Part 2. When my client came for her next consultation, there was confusion and despair on her face. The state was depressed. There was no trace left of the polish, style and neatness with which she came to the first meeting. How are you feeling? Terrible. I wrote this damn list. Do you know how many points I have implemented in my life? I don't know. The most important thing is that you now know this. Will you tell me? She opened the notes and began to read very emotionally: “You won’t succeed. Do you know how many projects I have ruined out of the blue since that phrase said by my mother? I counted. 18 came out in 6 years! Eighteen!". “You're ruining everything. Do you know how this came to fruition in my life? When I made the decision to end any relationship that I didn’t like myself, I had the feeling that I, it was I, had ruined everything, that I was a terrible person!” “You don’t get to know people like you. You know what!? So, year after year, we stopped getting to know each other.” She listed 28 points in total. Sometimes, reading the most painful passages, she cried. Sometimes she laughed hysterically. Sometimes she blushed when it came to the most intimate moments. But the most important thing is that she did it. I didn’t expect her to do so much independent work. Rather, I thought that she would think about it, and we would make lists during the consultation. Even before the first meeting, in the questionnaire I ask the question: why did you decide to deal with your problem now? This shows a person's level of motivation to change. I endlessly admire people who come to a psychologist and turn around their lives step by step. It's difficult. Sometimes it is like the emergency braking of a locomotive in which passengers are traveling from the client's thoughts. That’s why I get a lot of questions about techniques that seem to change a person’s life after the first session. Yes, sometimes this really happens. But in the vast majority of cases, after consultation, the client goes out into life and continues to do the same things. Perhaps not right away, perhaps for some time he will be able to hold out on moral and volitional strength, but then he breaks down. In this case, people usually begin to spread rot on themselves: well, you KNOW HOW TO DO it, why are you doing it again!? But knowing and feeling are two different things. And “as it should” - necessary for whom? For your psychologist? For the scientist who invented this or that theory? There is no universal recipe for everyone. No one can tell a person how HE needs to act, feel, think in order to be happy and live his life. You are great! You have done a huge amount of work! And this work really requires enormous inner strength. I am proud of you. Is it true…? Thank you,” she sighed. How do you feel about yourself now? I hate myself, I hate these people. I am angry! Today I picked up a hairdryer... and I didn’t even want to do my own hair. What's the point if I'm ruining my own life? Notice how you already talked about the point where you're screwing things up? Hmm...well, yes. Even to myself,” she laughed ironically. What to do with all this now? There are several stages of experiencing anger and rage. First, you need to channel that anger where it belongs. Next, live through your own powerlessness - you cannot change the past, this is a fact. And at the third stage you need to forgive... and first of all forgive yourself. She began to cry. Tears are good, let your tension, your feelings and emotions come out. How do you feel: do you now need a few days to cry a lot and live through these difficult feelings of regret, guilt, rage? Yes, I need to process this. Very often a person, catching himself in not the most pleasant states, tries to quickly jump out of them, pretend that they did not exist, that everything is wrong. I'm not a fan of this approach. It is important to give yourself a few days to let your feelings find a way out. During this period, you should not make any fateful decisions or go to your loved ones for a conversation. On the contrary, it is better to retire and.