It's normal if parents want the best for their child. But is there a law that states: - If you had a bad time at school, then your child will also have a bad time at school! The story of a mother who was “traumatized by school.” - I studied very well. She was capable. But it was unbearable. Every day I heard this hated word “should”! I owed my mother to be better than her. My grandparents paid for sections, clubs, and courses so that I wouldn’t disgrace their name at school. I had to keep up with all this. My grandfather hired me a personal driver to take me to extra classes. At home, I had to keep my things and room in perfect order. Mom came before bed to check. I didn’t have the strength to clean up after training and extra classes. One day I decided that I wouldn’t touch anything so as not to clean it up. And she didn’t touch it. She denied herself creativity so that there would be order. At school I must be the very first and the best, and for this I must take part in olympiads, competitions, competitions. - You are the best! We count on you! We know that you will not let us down! - the teachers said and looked at me with eyes in which there was no doubt. I participated and won. I didn't enjoy it. I did everything for them. - What conclusion did you draw? - My children will choose for themselves what to do and when. I will not force them to do anything. The problem that a woman came up with: The child falls asleep in class. Doesn't wake up for the start of the school day. He does his homework not when he is asked, but when he wants to. He can listen to his parents, but do it differently. She orders things from online stores that she then doesn’t wear. He doesn’t like them. Why did this happen? The mother, following her conclusion drawn from her own experience, removed herself from the child’s life. “From infancy, I allowed him to sleep and eat whenever he wanted. If I went to bed in the morning, he would stay awake with me. It was the same with food. If he didn’t want to go to kindergarten, then I didn’t insist, but called a nanny. I did what I wanted. I didn’t get into it. I mastered the tablet and phone early. If you wanted to watch cartoons there, then you did. She didn’t take it away or forbid it. Now a child can “sit on the phone” all night. I'm trying to explain that this is harmful. Doesn't hear me. Health problems began. No friends. To be honest, I can't cope. He's out of control. I wanted to raise him without violence and coercion! Is this bad? Conclusion. Coercion through violence is harmful. It's like trying to stuff a big piece of pie into a small box. The cake will be broken and deformed. This is exactly what happened in the mother’s childhood. But a child, and even more so a baby, is still stupid to make life decisions, distinguish dangerous from safe and leave the useful, excluding the harmful. For a child, what his parents allow him is correct. He cannot instantly give up habits that have been formed since birth. A parental misconception is that a child will change his behavior instantly if the parents want him to become controllable. A selection of articles on the topic “How childhood trauma affects adult life” Contact us if your child is bothering you. © All rights reserved. Reprinting an article or fragment is possible only with a link to this site and attribution. Emotional intelligence. Metaphors. Audio format. Emotions in life. Metaphors. Audio format.