From the author: What happens to the psyche if it deals with “double messages”? I'll try to tell you. Have you ever heard of such a thing as the theory of "double messages"? If not, then I’ll try to tell you. Here’s the thing. There are such strange families where communication takes place when two completely opposite messages are broadcast to the same person at the same moment. For example: “Of course, I am very happy when you communicate with your friends! But if you don’t return to 21, then you don’t have to come back at all!” Uh... so how do you understand this message? Still happy? Or does it infuriate you so much that you are ready to break off the relationship? It’s not clear. Perhaps I’m exaggerating somewhat in my fictitious example. But I think you understand what we are talking about. I was given another example: “Do what you want!” - said in such a tone that you understand that it is better not to do anything at all. But, if an adult can somehow reconcile such strange statements within himself, then a child is completely unable to. He simply does not have enough knowledge or common sense for this. And what happens to the child’s psyche when the mother says something like: “I love you so much! But if you had not been born, then I could have become a big boss now.. ."? And what happens is that the child’s psyche is torn into two parts. One part perceives one part of the message, and the second - the second. Moreover, what is interesting is that everything is not limited exclusively to speech messages! A person also has a very developed non-verbal language - facial expressions, gestures, facial expressions, gaze, voice intonation. And all this is also perfectly readable! Therefore, the “double message” effect works not only when something directly opposite in meaning is said. And even if one thing is said, but something else is said non-verbally. And if at the same time a third thing is done, then it’s really bad. You can say “I love you,” but with such an air, as if this is something beyond suffering. And the child catches both and concludes: “Loving me is a huge torment, I’m bad.” My grandmother was a great specialist in this area... She loved to say “how I love you all,” but at the same time with with such a suffering look, as if loving one’s grandchildren was some kind of sacrificial heroism. And at the same time, she never took a walk with any of her grandchildren in her life, didn’t give her a single toy, didn’t sit her on her lap, never even just went to visit her... When the whole family came to her house, they sat in the corner of the sofa, listened to how she loved everyone and were afraid to move. Because there is polished furniture all around. God forbid we get scratched! I didn’t communicate with her much, so I didn’t receive much damage from such communication. But, unfortunately, I never developed any warm feelings for her... But if a child grows up in an environment where “double messages” are commonplace, then the result is that the child does not develop any kind of... then a clear, unambiguous picture of the world. He simply does not know where the truth is, where the lie is, what to believe, what not to believe and how to distinguish one from the other. Chaos and confusion... There is even a hypothesis that the environment of “double messages” in the family contributes to the development of schizophrenia in a child. After all, what is the world of a schizophrenic? This is a world split into pieces. And “double messages” contribute precisely to this. Therefore, of course, the more truthful, clear, definite and sincere the world in which a child grows up, the healthier he will be. Of course, it is probably impossible to completely avoid “double messages.” Everyone has them, but I think that it is still advisable to reduce them to a minimum. After all, a child is a trusting creature. Why should we believe him if one thing is said, another is implied, and yet another is done?...Consultation: https://vk.com/app5619682_-117497477#267127.First session 30 min - free.