What does order mean to you? For me, the lack of order is chaos and chaos. It’s possible to live, but it’s very uncomfortable and stressful. And if you can clean the house, how can you put things in order in your soul? These are the questions I was tormented by about 20 years ago, when outwardly my life was in perfect order and all my tossing had to be hidden deeply, because according to my family it was a whim and nonsense. I didn’t even admit to myself about the latent desire to die. Throughout my childhood and youth, I was sick, I received injuries, I broke all my limbs, I did not get out of hospitals, and the ambulance was a frequent visitor to our family. After I turned 20 years old, my health improved, the injuries stopped, but there was a feeling that I am not living my life. As a result - hidden depression, which I also did not notice and broke through only thanks to my youth, choleric temperament and rare flashes of the joy of being. By the time I am talking about now, I had already managed to get a diploma in psychology, pull myself out of depression, and get good personal therapy and even start your own practice. So, I’m 34 years old and I came to the “Family constellations” seminar. The trainer says something about the place in the birth system, talks about how important it is to know what kind of child you are from your parents, that you need to take into account both deceased children and aborted children . This is curious, because we are used to counting only living children, and all my life I called myself a second daughter. And yes, I know about children who died in childbirth and infancy, it’s a little strange to call them brother and sister, but nothing more. I had such thoughts until we started doing the exercise and until I took my place in my family . I’m not second, as I thought all my life, I’m fifth. Well, okay, the fifth is the fifth, but where does this resistance come from, the reluctance to give up the place that I considered mine? It's just an exercise. What? Should I take the last place in the row? Well, OK. I walked to my place with a feeling of resentment: I was kicked out, I’m not needed, I get to my place and suddenly I feel so good, so light and warm, surrounded by some kind of cloud of happiness. I FOUND MY PLACE! And it’s good here. That I can I say 12 years after this exercise? I'm in the right place. My life has changed. And I really like it. And most importantly, I no longer need to get sick and die instead of my sister. And you know your place?