Probably every girl in childhood heard the words “be a good girl and behave well.” How do such calls affect a child and what happens in adulthood? Why does doing everything to be good...for some reason does not feel happy? From childhood, a child is taught the rules of being in society, they are given instructions on how to behave, so that the child grows up and feels comfortable in society. But it also happens that such rules really help to be accepted and good for society, but they harm the personality of the adult child itself. How does the “good girl” syndrome arise? From childhood, a child, like a sponge, absorbs all the information that parents say. All their established rules of behavior within the family and outside its borders are considered the norm, and often these same rules are carried over into adulthood and are accepted as the only correct ones. It is not surprising, because in the eyes of the baby, the parents are Almighty. Those who can influence everything, protect, save, etc. In addition, the child has a great need for approval and love, for gentle touches and words. And it is here, from the incorrect implementation of this need, that the syndrome is born. It goes like this. When parents, from a very young age, show love and tenderness only in those moments when the child behaves well and according to the established rules. When he behaves badly, they do not tell him that the behavior is bad, but they drop phrases about how you are bad, awkward, clumsy, not like that, etc. Thus, the cub subconsciously, trying to provide himself with the need for love begins to associate himself not with a person, but with the behavior “I behave well - I receive love and that means I’m good, if I behave badly - no one loves me and I’m bad.” And he tries with all his might to earn this love through good behavior. By collecting information and rules that will provide him with this need, through hugs, they will show the care and tenderness that he so needs. After a while, there are a lot of “rules of good behavior” and you have to change your character in order to constantly comply, deserving love. And having matured, a strong conviction arises in the subconscious that love must be earned through actions. And you need to find a way to behave and communicate with literally any person in order to receive approval and love. This transfer occurs due to a lack of love in childhood and the constant struggle for it. And it is right that the child is not very concentrated on the study and development of his personality and individuality, and all his attention is directed to others. And after years, when this habit of “not concentrating on oneself” takes root in the mind, the grown-up girl very often has not learned to listen to herself and her true needs, but unconsciously focuses on the needs of those close to her, mistaking other people’s desires for her own. An example of ignorance of one's needs and true desires can be seen in the movie “Runaway Bride.” In the plot, when she did not attach importance even to her taste preferences, eating eggs in the form of preparation that her suitors ate. And so, who is the grown-up “good girl”? Portrait of a “good girl” There are several signs that can help you understand whether you have this syndrome. 1. “A good girl” is good and pleasing to society, because she always and in all cases tries to please everyone and be pleasant. I would call her a good citizen, because all actions are aimed at normality, she pays special attention to “everything is like other people”, “so that it is no worse than others”, to look “normal”, and to find herself a husband, so that the main thing was “good”. 2. If you listen to the speech of the “girl”, then in her stories about her life, you can feel a tendency to consider yourself guilty in most situations. Such “girls” bring relationships to the point of absurdity and often do not dare to break up with their boyfriend, so the boyfriend leaves on his own. From which they suffer madly, sometimes the feelings of separation last for several years. They come first.