From the author: Very often, when we want to support a child, we don’t think that our daily agreement with his “want” can one day turn into your “should.” This is manipulation. Once formed, it is very difficult to fight. Isn't it better to "spread some straw"? (Published on mir-detej.kiev.ua/) Any situation of communication with a child can be analyzed even by a few phrases thrown in passing. “My Syoma is a true leader! – Svetlana is touched, talking with her neighbor. “No matter how I persuade him to do something, he will still do it his own way.” He will build everyone in the family, he will give instructions to everyone! And if something doesn’t go according to his plan, he gets angry and stomps his feet...” “My grandmother’s Nastasya “twists ropes.” Where he will ask, where he will whine, where he will use flattery or threats. After a visit to her, it’s like they’re replacing a child. She becomes too demanding of me, reproaches me for “inattentiveness.” First of all, let's figure it out. It turns out that manipulation is the most common type of human communication. In dictionaries we will find a definition that manipulation is the act of influencing people, controlling them with a particularly disparaging overtone. Of course, when we say that a child manipulates adults, we are not talking about real manipulation. The child cannot yet set himself the goal of “gaining control over the behavior and thoughts of another person” due to the fact that he himself is not always aware of his own actions, let alone those of others, not to mention planning his actions. Moreover, we immediately feel “what it smells like,” we do not have any illusion of “independence of the decisions made.” But the whole question is that often, recognizing the signs of a child’s manipulative behavior, parents are touched, mistaking this for “leadership” or “artistry”. There is a wonderful Arabic proverb about this: “What happened once is an accident. What happened twice is a pattern.” This means that if you begin to guess the child’s behavior in some situation, then the child has already created his own scenario and expects your behavior in it. Of course, this does not mean at all that we are talking about monsters or energetic unique creatures capable of subjugating anyone to their power. Simply by learning to communicate (often not without our help), the child masters this type of communication.!!Where does manipulative behavior come from?!!There is one reason for the appearance of a commander in the family who demands the fulfillment of all desires and does not like objections - this is natural love for a child to repetitions. Because what he succeeded once, he can repeat many, many times. For example, a ten-month-old baby can tirelessly squat on his still weak legs, and then force his grandmother to swing on his leg or his grandfather to throw him up. A little later, a desire arises to repeat the resulting “influence” on the behavior of people around you. Take a closer look at your behavior. Baby doesn't want to eat? And we distract him, we promise: “Well, the very last spoon!”, followed by the next “last spoon.” Mom promises to read another fairy tale if her sick daughter “allows” mustard plasters to be put on. The kindergarten teacher admires: “What a wonderful dress!”, engaging the child in conversation so that parting with his mother would not be so painful. And the threats of punishment!? How many parents have gone through this! And, probably, they will not agree to remove the “carrot” and “stick” from the educational arsenal. Such communication with the child is present in almost all families. But it is not dangerous if it is accompanied by persuasion, explanations, and discussions. After all, constantly forcing a child to make decisions will not help the child learn to “negotiate” with people, but the school for “manipulative behavior” will be excellent. Then hold on, relatives, get ready for adolescence (and maybe even earlier the fruits will ripen, when there is no time to be touched by the “leadership abilities” of the child).!! Egoism is the father of Manipulation?!! It must be said that the application).