Codependency in relationships can be recognized by destructive habits and distorted behavior patterns. Let's look at some of them: - Drama addiction. Oddly enough, problems also cause addiction. A codependent person experiences real discomfort from the lack of chaos in his life. At rest, she can unconsciously create difficulties out of nowhere or get involved in situations that have absolutely nothing to do with her. Without this, she does not feel needed and alive enough. She doesn’t hesitate to get involved in her neighbors’ family problems, spend months arranging jobs for relatives, or pull someone out of a drinking binge. Without the opportunity to reunite with someone in "ecstatic suffering", her life becomes boring and insipid. How to overcome. Drama addiction is caused by poor contact with your emotions and interests. You need to restore it and fill your life with what is truly important. Concentrating on your own development makes a state of peace more comfortable than a state of chaos. And the remaining needs for acute emotional shocks can be realized in creative projects or experienced together with movie characters. - Dependence on a certain scenario for the development of events. A codependent person has clear ideas about what is happening and the behavior of other people. With any deviation from the course, she begins to control, impose her opinion and direct people and events in the “right direction.” These attempts almost never produce the expected results. People don't want to behave in a given way, and events happen the way they happen. This causes the codependent person to experience chronic dissatisfaction. How to overcome it. The first problem is that the expectations of a codependent person are extremely unclear; she cannot correctly convey them to others. In her unconsciousness, she can strive for what is impossible in reality. The second problem is that when implementing her own scenario, she does not take into account the point of view of the people from whom she expects certain actions and does not recognize their right to make their own choice. Accordingly, first of all, you need to specify your expectations and understand how realistic they are. Then report them to those on whom their implementation depends and find out their opinion. - The habit of balancing between the thirst for love and the fear of intimacy. In other words, a codependent person craves most of all what he is terribly afraid of. She may decide that it is safest to remain alone or choose only those partners with whom emotional intimacy is excluded. She unconsciously associates love with danger and vulnerability. Intimacy entails a loss of control and the disclosure of one's own self, and the codependent person is not sure that it is possible to be like her. Refusal of intimacy protects her from fears of being rejected and defenseless, relieves her from the anxiety of awkwardness and uncertainty. She does everything to prevent other people from wanting to get close to her - she pretends to be someone she is not, does strange things and comes up with ridiculous excuses, closes herself off and rejects her before they reject her. How to overcome. The prohibition on intimacy makes the desired relationship impossible. And first of all, you should accept that entering into a close emotional connection is really a big risk. But at the same time, intimacy is not always so scary if you still allow it to happen. - Problems in handling money. A codependent person may be financially dependent, or work tirelessly to support an adult. She is often haunted by the feeling that she will never be able to provide for herself financially. Sometimes she finds herself so unsettled that she has neither the strength nor the desire to work. As a result, she may join her partner’s destructive point of view - “if you don’t care about money, then neither do I.” All these paths lead to nowhere - every adultresponsible for himself financially. Financial responsibility is an important part of self-care. Success in the professional field does wonders for self-esteem, and having your own means gives you freedom. How to overcome. Financial dependence is closely related to emotional dependence, often one provokes the other. When working on codependency, it is important to rediscover personal interests and try to turn them into a profession that generates income. Accepting responsibility for oneself and refusing responsibility for other adults helps to gain independence, including material independence. To begin with, even a very small position can be a huge step forward. - Distorted mechanism of forgiveness. The codependent person has to forgive too often. She forgives the same person, accepts false excuses, gets disappointed and forgives again for broken promises. Her forgiveness opens the way for new hurts and new pain. Anger does not go away from such forgiveness; on the contrary, it multiplies like a snowball and does its destructive work. A codependent person blames himself for something that he cannot simply forget. How to overcome. First of all, you need to learn to be forgiving with yourself. And then reconsider your own principle of forgiveness and no longer forgive to your own detriment. For true forgiveness, you need to accept what a person has done and understand how possible it is to live with it. If the contradictions are irreconcilable and it is not possible to reach a compromise, then by forgiving you can only let go. - Inability to enjoy life. Pleasure and self-rejection are incompatible. Negative emotions, constant worry about someone, feelings of guilt and despair, the need for control and fear of other people's opinions do not allow you to relax. This becomes a crushing obstacle to true self-care. How to overcome it. You need to make pleasure an important item on your daily to-do list. At the same time, rejoice without feeling guilty, which will allow you to maintain your health and ability to work. To begin with, you can identify for yourself an activity that brings pleasure, set aside time for it and just do what you want. - Problems with personal boundaries. Personal boundaries determine the line that cannot be crossed - “I can allow you this, but I can’t allow you that.” The boundaries of a codependent personality can be pushed back indefinitely. She has a heightened tolerance for unacceptable behavior and the ability to convince herself that it is normal and deserved. She may become so accustomed to insults that she stops noticing them. How to overcome it. First of all, you will have to learn to be aware of your personal boundaries - to understand what is acceptable and what is not. Then define them for the other person and from that moment on firmly stick to your point of view. At first this may cause discomfort, but later it will definitely become a pleasant and useful habit. - Neglect of one’s own health and self-care. Characteristic of the last stages of codependency. A person can lose contact with his own body so much that he stops noticing that he is developing various diseases. The less he cares about his body, the worse he feels about himself. How to overcome. It is important to learn to listen to your body and give it what it requires. It is optimal to make self-care a natural daily practice. - Superficial relationships with others. A codependent person experiences difficulties with openness and trust, can lie and dissemble, talk about nonsense, be hostile and suspicious - those around her respond in kind. This tendency needs to be overcome and set a course for honest and grateful relationships. How to overcome. When getting rid of destruction in communication, it is important to take the courage to respond to rudeness and make it clear to your opponent that you do not intend to conduct the conversation in this format. If he continues in the same spirit, then it would be more advisable to switch to more friendly people. At the same time, of course, not forgetting about the warmth and openness in response. Difficulties with trust. Codependent personality too much