It’s good when there is a desire and the opportunity to fulfill it. It’s good when a person who evokes certain feelings and desires wants the same and meets them halfway. But this does not always happen. Often my desires collide with the reluctance of others. - I want to get closer to you, take your hand.. - But I don’t, sorry. I always thought that if a desire is not destined to come true, then it is better to stop wanting it as soon as possible. You need to grit your teeth and not talk about this desire anymore. This way it will die quickly and will not hurt. After all, it has no meaning if it is not destined to come true. I cannot carry it out against the will of others. This is violence. But a desire that is forcibly fulfilled does not bring joy and satisfaction. It brings guilt, shame, disappointment. But killing your desire is also violence. Already above yourself. Is violence inevitable? - But my desire is myself. Should I now commit a little suicide out of respect for your boundaries? I don't want. I want to live. What should I do? - Are you hurt? Tell me, what's wrong with you? I want to hear you. - Yes, it hurts. I'm angry at you, you're killing me! How can you? Where do you get this courage and right to refuse me? I'm desperate, I'm lonely, I'm scared. As if I’m really going to die now if you don’t extend your hand to me. Strange. This is simply a refusal to approach. The situation is far from deadly, very far. Where do these strong unbearable feelings come from? They are deeper, much deeper than the situation here and now. Inside me there is an impulse to live, which from the outside is stopped by something. Maybe this impulse appeared when I was conceived, maybe when I was born. I don't know. But this is some kind of deep basic impulse, a basic desire to live. And one day something stopped this impulse. - What are you trying to tell me? - What do I want to tell? That when you refused me, it was as if I ceased to exist. At some point I disappeared, I didn’t feel anything. Is it possible to talk about this? Is it possible to hear and understand this? Any refusal is fatal for me. And then I come to life again and then it hurts. And then I’m scared that I’ll want something again and they’ll refuse me again, and so on in a circle. I can not do this anymore. Do something. - I can't do anything about it. I'm powerless. Tell me how it makes you feel. I'm interested in your story. - I'm alone in the desert without life. I'm alone at the point of pain. I want to see you. Take me, take me in your arms. Don't leave here for long. I don’t scream, even though everything inside me screams in an inhuman voice. I'm afraid to scream, because you will be afraid of this scream and leave me. I look at you with huge eyes, don’t you really see this horror in them, this request, this cry? I'll tell you what happens next. After you leave. I will stay here forever waiting for you. And someone else will live instead of me. Another me. She will rely only on herself. She will try to live as she should, she will be very kind and will help others. But nothing will work out for her. She will destroy her life, she will create hell for herself outside, so as not to feel the desert inside, where I am waiting for you. She will be afraid, avoid this place and tell others scary tales about it. And she herself will not know whether to believe them or not. And every time she finds herself there, when she is pushed away, when she is told “no.” Therefore, she will try to please people, she will remain silent about her desires, she will avoid rejection in every possible way. But she will be drawn there. To me. We must meet her, because we are one. Be there when it happens. Yes, this is one of the stories of childhood trauma, the story of rejection that became lifelong. And only telling another person about it can help meet the split pieces of personality that want only one thing - to meet, but do everything to prevent this from happening. They are looking for conditions for a meeting and cannot find them. This condition can be another person, a therapist. If transference arises as a desire.