I now feel that I have been doing some hellishly difficult work for myself for several months now: I am consistently processing the horror and fear of the insurmountable cruelty of the current situation, powerlessness and the impossibility of reaching an agreement in total uncontrollability, when plans fall apart. Pointlessness and futility of efforts. Regret. The feeling of loss of freedom, meaning and everything that goes with it... many, many things. And do you know what is the hardest thing for me in this situation? It's not just that I'm in a situation where I can get emotional. - At this moment, I continue to be not free from acting out my emotions by other people who themselves cope as best they can. - It’s difficult and not always safe for me in this state to show up in my fragility, difference and be noticed by others in this, and for people to notice me, because at this moment they themselves may be overwhelmed by their experiences, merged with them, or maybe it’s difficult for them touch my feelings, meeting the same in myself. - And then all I have to do is recognize the fragility of contact and my loneliness. - Without putting on a white coat, I can assume that this may be the case on my part. - And then you have to isolate yourself internally, and this can be relatively safe, but also lonely. It’s painful and sad, just like in childhood. A sympathetic, noticing response may have been and is now, but it may not be enough, the need for it is greater than the environment can provide. Sensitivity in a crisis intensifies and becomes more noticeable when: - they interrupt you or suddenly take the conversation in another direction, do not respond to requests not to do this, explaining to me that it’s my fault, express your need more clearly, insist... - they make diagnoses, ridicule , they devalue experiences, - they begin to explain something, prematurely, to interpret, stopping the experience of current feelings, - they give advice on how best to behave in this situation: I need to live with positive notes, etc. - or they say something like this: but unlike you, I’m not afraid. This is the phenomenon of the borderline situation in which we find ourselves: we very often stop noticing and hearing each other when there is a great need for this. It seems to me that at the initial stage of experiencing a crisis it is important: - to feel, grieve, be afraid, without being judged by yourself and others, - to receive a lively emotional response to your words, - to recognize that I am noticed in the fact that I feel bad, and I have to now withstand a lot. This is what allows me to process my experiences without additional despair from loneliness. - Although, it’s probably important to accept that people are not always ready to hear you. When one’s own supports are lacking, in search of external ones, it is difficult not to overestimate people’s capabilities; they themselves may be overwhelmed by affect, and it may be difficult for them themselves. - At the initial stages of a crisis, it is too early to give and listen to advice. It is important to support the experience, otherwise you will simply cope with the situation, but not live it. Feelings will be collapsed, tension will remain and will look for a way out. - When supporting others, it is somehow important, it seems to me, not to cram in your own ways of coping (some are isolated, some go to people), but simply allow the person to feel something next to you. The main message: I see you, I see how difficult it is for you, I see you in your feelings, I am nearby. - Be as careful as possible with yourself and, if possible, with others. - Reduction of affect occurs in personal contact. And through contact, coming out of the merger with your affect, you can notice the other and at the same time get out of the borderline situation. - It is important to notice places where affect flares up especially strongly; if you are unable to maintain emotional self-discipline, you may need to seek professional help. - If you somehow understand what form of help would suit you, you can really talk about it to help others support you. - Ability to make quality contact with yourself and with others.