Do you want to feel loved and desired by a woman in a relationship? Are you tired of being your husband’s mommy, feeding him, giving him water and blowing off specks of dust, as if from a helpless child? Are you tired of carrying the whole family on you, while he leads a couch potato lifestyle and doesn’t give a damn? Then this article is for you. I’ll start with personal experience. Initially, I am prone to codependent relationships. Saving, helping, controlling – my favorite. Otherwise I would not have become a psychologist. All rescue helpers are potential mothers for their men. They are dragged by the scruff of the neck into a bright future. With pride and responsibility I declare that I am NO. How did I manage to cope with the tendency to codependent relationships and become, first of all, a WIFE for my husband? I’m sharing a secret. First, let me remind you that, in my opinion, a harmonious relationship is: 1️. Love, respect, interest in yourself.2️. Mature feelings for a partner: love, respect, interest. 3️. Dialogue: I recently shared advice on how to maintain a relationship during a crisis based on these 3 principles. But back to today's topic. How to avoid slipping into codependency and becoming a mommy for your husband? How to save a relationship? I solved this question this way. Before the wedding solemn oath of love and fidelity to each other, I swore... LOVE AND LOYALTY TO MYSELF. I gave my word that I would not allow anyone to offend the person closest to me - myself. That I will put my interests first, I will not adjust and endure, even for the sake of my husband. This is self-love. Love for a partner comes in different forms. “Mommies” instill care, criticize and control. Mature love is the ability to accept him as he is. Do not correct, do not redo. But what to do if your husband has “shortcomings”? Rejoice! Congratulations! It looks like your man really exists. And it is important to accept it as it is. This does NOT mean putting up with bad treatment. Accept = see, open your eyes and say to yourself: yes, he is like that. And then divide the “shortcomings” into 2 parts: - Those that kill your love. You cannot tolerate them under any circumstances; they contradict your values. Understand that if a man does nothing about these qualities, you will have to say goodbye to him. And be ready to do it. For your own sake and your happiness. - Those that infuriate you, but because of them you are not ready to break up. Be patient for 10 years now. You grumble and swear, but stay with him. Understand that this is not a bump on your forehead that you can cut off. These qualities are the other side of the coin. For which you most likely fell in love with him. Grumbling is useless. You have been doing this for 10 years. Therefore, it is important to learn DIALOGUE. Negotiate in such a way that “shortcomings” do NOT interfere. No compromises or patience. Only cooperation when 1 + 1 = 11. This does not mean that there should be no conflicts in relationships. They are important. But after a quarrel with your husband, you will feel that you are ready to conduct a dialogue as 2 equal adults. Those who respect each other and are ready to build high-quality healthy relationships. So, let's summarize. To become a wife, and not a mommy, you need to: - love yourself - love a real partner (and not an image in your head) - learn to negotiate. IMPORTANT! Maintain consistency. Start with a relationship with YOURSELF. Learn to respect and truly love YOURSELF. This will be a solid foundation. Will make you feel like the queen of your life. And from this state, build a constructive dialogue with your husband and finally come to an agreement with him to happiness. I would be grateful if you write in the comments who you are for your man? Wife / controlling, protective mother / helpless daughter / your own option? Master classes to help those who want to get out of codependency and finally fall in love with themselves.