If a relationship ends on the initiative of a partner and suddenly, it is always traumatic. Because for you it did not end, but was cut short. And often in order to create new, more mutual and stronger relationships, you need to “heal the wound.” Here we are talking about a situation when you tried: and you seemed to care, and you were faithful, and you turned a blind eye to a lot. But he (or she) left anyway. What is important to know? 1️⃣ It’s not your fault 2️⃣ You couldn’t do anything 3️⃣ And you don’t need to improve yourself in order to do more this has not happened again. There are relationships that cannot be saved: Neither with lace panties, nor with ease of movement, nor with pies and dumplings, nor with a child, nor with money, nor with self-improvement.❌ No matter what about the fact that the contribution of both to what happens in the relationship is 50/50? Your contribution is there. It consists in the fact that you chose a person who could not reciprocate your feelings. And for some amount of time you tried to build an impossible relationship. It’s like looking for snowdrops in winter, vacuuming with an iron or sleeping on the ceiling. But the main problem is not that you were abandoned. And not that you wasted time and effort on this person. And not even that you feel bad and suffer. The main problem is the “aftertaste.” Like many Infectious diseases are scary not in themselves, but because of the complications afterwards - and abandonment is dangerous precisely because of the consequences. What are we talking about? When you are abandoned, along with other heaps of painful feelings (anger, resentment, melancholy, bitterness, sadness) there is always SHAME and GUILT .And here is their difference: 🔅 GUILT – I did something wrong. My action (words, behavior, attitude) caused something bad.🔅 SHAME - I am bad (unworthy, flawed, somehow not like that). And this is visible to others. Both feelings can have varying degrees of objectivity (connection with the real state of affairs) and intensity. Both of them: guilt and shame are mostly toxic and cause a significant blow to self-esteem. If the weather has already passed , a year, three - but the feelings are alive, then you need to specifically work with them. And the position “time heals” is not about this case. In the next post we’ll talk about how to understand that you have not recovered from abandonment. And what can be done about it in “home conditions”. How did you experience a breakup when the initiator was someone else? What do you recommend to those who are going through this painful event? Click on this inscription to find out more or sign up for a consultation. With care, Liana Landa Family psychologist, Gestalt therapist