Self-realization is what our success in life is built around. This success is not always (although very often) directly linked to good earnings. But we can say for sure that, having realized ourselves, we feel happy, needed and confidently stand on our feet. One of the reasons why adults cannot find themselves is overprotection in childhood, which did not allow them to first separate from their parents, and then begin to live a full life of your own. How it works. Overprotection suppresses the will of the child, weaning him from independence. Even more scary is that it prevents him from setting his own goals in life. I would highlight two main internal patterns that form in such conditions, preventing self-realization: 1. “I don’t know how to want.” From childhood, a person gets used to the fact that his desires are incorrect, flawed and unimportant. The one who sets the goals is the one who is older. The only thing he can do on his own is to gain approval by achieving the goals set by mom and dad. In adulthood, this habit leads to lack of initiative and lack of life guidelines. In general, the situation can be described by the formula “go with the flow.”2. “I don’t believe in myself.” Dad and mom take care of us for a reason, but because the world around us is scary, cruel and unfair. In addition, they strive to help in literally everything - they do the child’s homework instead, protect him from school bullies. As a result, learned helplessness is formed, which significantly affects the ability to achieve anything in life. A vicious circle. It is interesting that one of The typical reason why parents choose an overprotective model of upbringing is their own lack of fulfillment. With the help of children, they want to achieve what they could not do themselves. The little person who is completely under their control becomes a kind of outlet that helps them not to feel unhappy. That is why there is a high risk that people who grew up in overprotective families and are not fulfilled in life will repeat the parental scenario and choose the same model of communication with their children. Separation as a panacea. The first step to defeating the situation described above is separation from parents. In overprotective families, it is the most difficult for all participants. But without her it is impossible to start working on other problems. Even if mom is no longer physically sitting above us and giving instructions, she still remains in our head. and with it a feeling of guilt, shame and resentment. We blame ourselves for trying to live independently (and our mother put so much effort into us), we are ashamed as soon as we do something that was not approved in the family (and this is unshakable rules, even if they are not accepted by us personally), and we are offended if those around us do not agree to live by the same rules that were established by overprotective parents for us. Psychotherapy helps to cope with separation and move on to working on other problems caused by overprotectiveness in childhood . It is especially important for those who are now raising their own children and risk repeating the parental scenario. Good luck in working on yourself!