Many times we have talked about the fact that conflict is a common thing and high-quality coping strategies are characterized not by the presence of conflicts, but by how a person gets out of them. All this works great when there are two participants in the conflict - directly the parties to the conflict. But it also happens that the conflict has unwitting participants who are in no way connected with the showdown that is happening here and now. As you may have guessed, we are talking about children who witness parental conflict. What happens to the child at these moments? So let’s talk about this today. And of course, I’ll start with the banal and hackneyed: in any family, conflicts occur from time to time. If parents know how to solve them constructively, and to solve them constructively means, first of all, to be able to find compromises, negotiate, listen to each other, then this is good. It’s bad when unconstructive solutions prevail - this is when spouses turn conflicts into multi-day marathons consisting of mutual ignorance, resentment, and periodically flaring up local hotbeds of scandal. There is no logical end to such a conflict. It only has a continuation with short moments of enlightenment. Remember, we said that the child learns ways of reacting emotionally, first of all, by looking at the behavior of the parents, including behavior in conflict: do mom and dad know how to agree? Do they call each other names, are they ready to give in in an argument, how quickly do they calm down and how do they calm each other down? This is a pattern for a child. And based on this pattern, his own models of interaction with society are built. It is clear that a successful model of a child’s behavior in a conflict includes all aspects of his response - the ability to negotiate, the ability to make concessions, the ability to insist on one’s own. We shouldn’t forget about the last component either, because this is the basis for the child to understand his own boundaries. The question is how does he do it? The answer is the same as his parents: he screams, puts forward ultimatums, shows resentment or accuses. Have you ever observed “misunderstanding” on the part of the parents, expressed in bewilderment: “where does he get such a tendency to argue and conflict at the age of three.” From the family. He imitates those models of conflict behavior that unfold before his eyes in real time. Then the child comes to a preschool educational institution, where he continues to “successfully” use the same behavior patterns. Because this is the only thing he could master as a result of observation and imitation. And at this stage, he can receive reinforcement of his behavior, since some children may succumb to his pressure, and thus he is even more convinced that the formula “who screams louder and is ready to fight faster” works! Therefore, dear parents, do not rush to start a conflict in front of your children, remember that your child is carefully watching your behavior. Observes and learns. Learns and remembers. Remembers and repeats. Simply because he wants to be the same as dad and mom - the most important and most beloved people in his life. Take care of yourself! Sabirov Salavat. There is no better place to resolve marital conflicts, to analyze them and translate them into constructive dialogue than the office psychologist. And sign up for a consultation by calling: +79050620750