Discipline is needed. It determines whether the child will grow up collected and responsible or a slack slob. What about children who break rules and regulations? Why do they do this? Psychologists have found that children desperately need rules and regulations. They feel protected with them. When they “rebel” against the rules, think about whether children are really rebelling against the rules themselves? Maybe you are implementing these rules incorrectly? How to establish discipline correctly? 1. There must be rules and prohibitions. You should not allow connivance and always follow the child’s lead. The child quickly gets used to it.2. There should not be too many restrictions and prohibitions and they should be flexible. When making an exception to the rules is justified, you can meet the child halfway. In response, you will receive not only gratitude, but also a greater desire to follow the rules. For example, after a long absence, dad arrives at 10 pm and the child is allowed to stay up until he arrives or not even go to kindergarten.3. Requirements should not contradict the important needs of the child. For example, a ban on running, jumping, playing noisily... Limiting the natural needs of a child is the same as trying to block a deep river. It is better to direct children's curiosity and mobility in the right direction: explore the puddles in high boots, disassembling old watches, playing ball indoors and away from windows... In adolescence, parents’ phrases such as “don’t be friends”, “don’t go”, “don’t wear” should be used very carefully. For a teenager, the opinions of peers are more important, and parental “no” can only worsen the relationship. The parent will not achieve agreement with his opinion, and trust will be completely lost. One should be philosophical about the teenage interests, taking into account their safety, of course, and remain a conductor of unshakable values: honesty, kindness, hard work, respect.4. Rules, restrictions, requirements and prohibitions must be agreed upon between adults and consistent. It should not be the case that a parent prohibits, and, for example, a grandmother allows. If this happens, it is better to remain silent, and then discuss the disagreement in a calm atmosphere without the child and come to a common opinion. Children constantly test the rules “for strength.” If you are not consistent, for example, in going to bed, then do not be surprised when the child protests and says: “yesterday you allowed me to go to bed later!” So he gets used to whining, whining, insisting, making sure that this strategy works.5. The tone in which the requirement is communicated should be friendly and explanatory, not imperative. To the question “why not?” the phrase "Because I said so!" - not the most successful. It’s better to explain briefly and once “because it’s late”, “it’s dangerous”... If the child asks again, most likely it’s difficult for him to overcome his desire. In this case, it is worth listening to the child (about how to listen - in previous posts), and demands to shut up or the words “How many times do you have to repeat this?!” will only intensify the whining. It is better to construct a sentence in which you talk about a rule in an impersonal form, for example, “They don’t play with matches” instead of “Don’t you dare play with matches!” But how to teach a child internal discipline? So that children learn to keep their word and fulfill their obligations taking on obligations requires the patience and delicacy of a parent, and sometimes remarkable ingenuity! Send your questions by message! In the next post we will tell you in what unusual way psychotherapist Milton Erickson taught his son to keep his word...