How often do you experience feelings of fear or anxiety? Trying to understand where it came from and how to deal with it? Are there any positive results? The feeling of fear is about our signaling system, which warns of danger, it is needed, it helps us, but only when in an adequate state, without moving to a neurotic level. And security? This is the basic need of every person, something that forms a powerful support inside and a person can calmly go into the world and manage his life. When a child is in the womb, there is no knowledge yet, there are instincts and there is an example: the mother somehow survived in this world, so I will do as the mother and the child copies the behavior of her parents. In a family where the parents were calm and balanced, the child feels protected and loved ones, which means they are safe, which means they can develop harmoniously and overcome difficulties and grow up. But in neurotic families, parents unconsciously provoke feelings of fear and anxiety in their children. This is an emotional showdown, scandals, humiliation, beatings, violation of personal boundaries. Either devaluation of you as a person from an early age by comparison with the neighbor’s child or exclusion from your family for the sake of a career. In a house where it should be calm and safe, something is constantly happening and it is very scary and painful. In such stories, children very quickly develop the skills to calculate step by step and voice what will happen next, because this is the only option to protect themselves, because there is no stability and predictability.. The list can be continued for a very long time. But it is important to understand that this is not the child’s fault. And yet, as a result - a decent set of fears and anxieties, low self-esteem at a conscious age, lack of personal boundaries, lack of internal self-reliance, problems with self-realization, lack of trust in the world, a tendency towards dependent relationships. When a child is shouted at, he wants to become even smaller, clamping down just to disappear from this moment. And after a couple of years in the mirror he sees hunched shoulders, a stiff neck, a hunched back. The body has formed the habit of hiding and protecting itself from any external factors and is always ready to form into a ball. Any modern person will say that all problems come from childhood. Any expert in the field of psychology will understand this by looking at your posture. I am starting the #LittleAdult section, where we will analyze fears from childhood that are reflected in our lives now. Are you interested in this topic? Share in the comments! Sincerely, your psychologist and CBT therapist Victoria Bolshakova