Let's start by deciding. Most people live most of their lives on autopilot. Which someone once configured somehow. And which leads in some direction. In general, most people sense whether they are moving towards something good or bad. But there is no greater accuracy in perceiving one’s goals and life path. Why is this happening? Have you ever switched a plane from autopilot to manual control? If not (which is very likely; after all, this is not a forum for amateur aviators), I think your imagination is quite enough to imagine such a moment. What will he require? Airplane control skills (beyond the metaphor - adaptation skills in this life) Responsibility (be ready to seek strength to overcome the consequences of your decisions in your head) Ability to cope with emotions (after all, we are talking about your life, and even about the lives of other people) In general, we can say this - it’s easier for a person NOT to KNOW what he wants than to constantly be responsible for his desires and needs. Well, in order not to encounter all this set of difficulties, a person includes (naturally, unconsciously), a set their psychological defenses. Repression, rationalization, projection, devaluation and so on on the list. As a result, your desires and needs turn out to be hidden much deeper and more securely than you would like. BUT! At some point you want to make your life more successful. Or happy. Effective. In general, different. Not like it is now. How to understand yourself? How to understand your desires? How to understand those desires and aspirations that will really be useful and give impetus to positive changes. No way... Once again. No one can understand what needs to be done to truly achieve positive changes in this life. Erickson famously said this when Milton: Life is not for professionals, it is for amateurs. That is, no matter how hard you strain and try, you cannot RELIABLY guarantee anything (relationships, career, wealth) for yourself. You can only count (hope, hope) that life conditions will turn out well in your favor. Or that you have enough strength, resources and skills to overcome life’s adversities and appreciate the gifts that life gives you. Therefore, in this life it makes no sense to look for some truth regarding your desires at the level of logic. But it makes sense to be more trusting of your emotional assessments of what you can want. After all, it is emotions that reflect what you really want and what captures your subconscious. Try the following path. Step 1. Take a reflector. This will be someone you can argue with. Any person (even with the rudiments of intelligence) who is willing to devote some time to you will do. And who is ready to listen to most of your arguments. Step 2. Take a list of basic (not to be confused with basic) human needs. SafetyPowerAttentionProsperityHealthComfort CommunicationApproval RestChangeSupportUnderstandingAttractivenessRecognitionTouchAcceptanceEntertainmentSelf-developmentSexFamilyCreativity SolitudeStep 3. Observe your emotions when you try to convince your opponent that you need/don’t need certain needs from the list above. Here it is worth clarifying that emotions will not give you a definite answer in the style of “if I feel joy, then the need is satisfied.” What you can focus on: Interest, irritation, boredom, anxiety, disappointment, guilt, shame, sadness that arise when you try to convince your opponent - these are the signals that indicate the non-realization of the need. And it does NOT matter which of the described emotions you experience. The only important thing is in which direction they arise. For example, you are disappointed by the attempts of loved ones to support you in difficult moments of life. This means your need is not fulfilled. But if these very attempts are annoying, then this is more of a signal that you want to cope with your own problems.: