Death, loss. Sooner or later, each of us faces the loss of a loved one. At times like these, words of encouragement can be incredibly important to someone experiencing loss. But how to express condolences correctly? What topics and statements are best avoided? Words matter. Therefore, condolences should be approached with care and compassion. It is better to avoid banal phrases such as “My condolences” or “I sympathize.” Instead, express your sincere support and helpfulness: “I'm here to help you.” Many bereaved people may have difficulty performing everyday tasks. Offer to cook lunch, help with shopping, or pick up the kids from school. Practical support can be very valuable. If the person wants to talk about their loss, give them this opportunity. Don't interrupt, don't advise, just be there and listen. Sometimes simply expressing your pain and feelings can help recovery. Each person experiences grief differently. Don't try to impose your own ideas about what is "right." Respect the feelings of the grieving person. Be tolerant of manifestations of grief. A person may be irritable, depressed, cry, or, conversely, try to maintain external control. These are normal reactions to loss and should not be judged or judged. Sometimes it is better to just be there and listen than to give advice like, “I know how you feel.” Each person experiences grief differently, and to claim that you fully understand the griefer's feelings is misleading and can even be offensive. "It was God's destiny/will." This phrase is undesirable because it does not express sympathy and belittles the feeling of grief. “Everything passes.” Yes, over time the pain decreases, but at the moment of loss such words may seem inappropriate. It is better to support the person in his current experiences. "Why don't you try again?" (in cases of experiencing separation, divorce, loss of business) Attempts to “calm down” a person with an offer to start a relationship or activity again may be unreasonable and premature. “You’re still young, you’ll find someone else.” This phrase, although it may be said with good intentions, is devaluing and suggests that grief is secondary. “I had the same thing and I lived through it.” Telling your own stories can distract from the griefer's feelings and even cause irritation. "You should/should..." Avoid any instructions about how a person should act or feel. Instead, offer your support and understanding. “Believe me, I had it bad too, but I didn’t/didn’t worry so much.” Comparing your experiences with the experiences of someone burning is incorrect. And it only causes additional stress and shame. Your words and actions can have a profound impact on those who are grieving. Remember that support in difficult moments is one of the most valuable gifts that you can give to loved ones. Sincerely, Your psychotherapist, coach, interpersonal relationship specialist, Natalya Akhmedova