Counterdependence is a condition in which a person, on the one hand, has a very strong need for intimacy with other people, and on the other, tries in every possible way to convince both himself and these people that he does not need anyone. Such a person is afraid of becoming dependent and shows his self-sufficiency in every possible way. At the same time, the lack of intimacy in people with counter-dependence can reach truly prohibitive proportions. Deep down, they lack intimacy in every sense of the word. They lack trust, acceptance, reciprocity, reliability. Desiring intimacy, but at the same time trying to avoid it by all available means, such a person will constantly devalue himself and shift his emphasis towards less important ones. A striking example is that a woman faced with betrayal will deliberately take responsibility for everything possible. She will fix the car herself, handle household chores, and support her family. Men, by the way, are no exception either. It’s enough to live in a relationship with a woman from whom it’s difficult to get warmth and affection, and now you can cook your own soup and wash your clothes “nothing complicated, there’s a machine.” The only problem is that such self-sufficiency turns out to be false. There is a substitution of concepts. I’ll make soup, fix the car, which means I don’t seem to need simple human intimacy. Would I be surprised if I said that the roots of counter-dependence need to be sought in childhood? I dare to think not. First of all, the ability to have healthy relationships is associated with secure experiences of attachment and separation in early childhood. If a child hoped to receive love, recognition, understanding and support, but received only devaluation and indifference, he is an ideal candidate for counterdependency. Gaining the experience of safe addiction is extremely necessary before the age of three. This is when the child knows for sure that the parent is nearby, he will not be abandoned, abandoned, or abandoned. Confidence in the presence of a parent, help, support, affection, attention. Counterdependent people very often find themselves alone. They are easily criticized, they always try to seem ideal, a negative review or assessment is akin to a sentence for them. Control is a sore subject for such people. They will not let others control anything, but they themselves will constantly try to control any more or less significant element of their own life..