The problem of fathers and sons - who hasn’t heard of it? It is interesting that in this case there is, in fact, no problem as such. So if, in principle, you had nothing to say when you answered the introductory questions, then this speaks in your favor. If someone believes that some kind of conflict must arise between generations, and this is inherent in human nature, then he's just wrong. There is no conflict of generations and there cannot be. Some people adhere to the point of view that children today have gone “wrong”, and they do everything “wrong”, and dress “not like human beings”, and do not pick up books, etc. and so on. This is also a set of misconceptions, nothing more. Our children are wonderful, amazing, talented; Mrs. Evolution herself arranged everything in such a way that in order for humanity to continue to exist, it is necessary to give birth to each subsequent generation more viable and effective than the previous one. So the problem of generational conflict simply does not exist. There are certain generic scenarios in which the bad habit of speaking disapprovingly about one’s own children and their peers is passed on from generation to generation. And it's just a bad habit, something like smoking. Quitting is difficult, but millions of people have already done it. Yes, of course, such a bad habit of parents - to have a basic dissatisfaction with children - contributes to the strong suppression of children in such family systems. And when such a harmful scenario already exists in the tribal system - that’s when the notorious “generational conflict” unfolds. Children, in principle, are not able to understand (and who will understand?) why, no matter what they do and no matter how outstanding their successes, parents still start a tedious record on the topic of what happened in their times... And further with different nuances, in different variations, the idea “we were better in your years” is presented. And in a relationship with your child, this approach is unacceptable; it does not stand up to any criticism! How do you know this? What are you comparing to what? What comparison criteria do you use to understand that your generation was better? What does “better” mean, after all? All these are fair questions, to which, of course, there are no valid answers. Comparing yourself with your own child is clearly inappropriate behavior. “At his age, I could fix a tube TV, but he can’t.” “My son was still unadapted to life, unable to drive a nail into a wall.” And the fact that tube TVs have been out of production for a hundred years now, and the fact that in modern European-quality repairs nails are simply no longer used - this, of course, is not taken into account. And whether a young man who has headed his own web design studio needs to have these kinds of skills is also not entirely clear. It is important to understand that the time in which our generation was formed is already completely different from the time in which the generation of our children is formed . The present time is more complex, faster and more technologically advanced than the one in which we grew up. And the present time provides more opportunities for personal development. And therefore our children are much more flexible and faster than us - simply because they were born at a different time. Therefore, it is especially important to support them and give them the opportunity to develop as they want and as much as they need. A family is a friendly team. And the team goes through all the difficulties and all the victories together. And in a family where the child is not suppressed, the so-called “conflict of generations” is also overcome together - this is a team task. We just have to truly believe that our children are there to learn—and model them. And if someone says that we have bad youth, then they are mistaken. The world has changed. Speeds have increased enormously. And often parents are simply unable to understand some modern technologies, while children easily assimilate them and operate with them easily and intuitively. In our fast-paced times, concepts such as permanent place of residence, permanent place of work, etc. are gradually being smoothed out. Andetc. Now people live differently: they easily move from one city to another, then decide to live abroad for a couple of years, then somewhere else. It has become more profitable to rent an apartment in large cities than to buy... People can move around the globe very quickly and move their capital even faster using remote banking systems. The modern elite of humanity consists of neo-nomads, people whose capital is not limited territorially - and they themselves, in principle, are not limited territorially. Humanity is “accelerating”, and this is a positive process - this is how humanity is developing. And our children, by definition, “grow” faster than us, because they grow up in a high-tech information environment, which determines the pace and forms of their development and subsequent life. We need to calmly accept that our child will grow up differently than us and will also develop differently. And new information will also be absorbed orders of magnitude faster. And he will most likely want to live all over the world, and his work will mean something completely different to him. And in terms of marital relations, there are different views. And much, much more... Comparing yourself with children is unpleasant and downright harmful, for all parties. Progress cannot be stopped. The thirst for development and mastery of new things lies in human nature itself. You just need to accept that each subsequent generation is more informationally developed than the previous one. And it’s clear that in pre-revolutionary Russia only a small percentage of the population could read and write. And then, too, some said: today’s youth are not the same, why do they need this literacy, and they lived well without it for centuries... And there were those who did everything to make education accessible to everyone. Therefore, everything is simple: each next generation is more developed than previous. And therefore, the child will basically operate with a much larger amount of information than the parents. The only question is how to approach this. Start to “block” him, feeling your own incompetence next to him, or model him, allowing him to develop - and develop yourself in communication with him. The same situation, by the way, applies to marital relationships. After all, it happens that in life a husband is much more competent than his wife in one area, and a wife is more effective than her husband in some other area. And here the situation is similar. Either envy and an attempt to block development - or love, respect and modeling. Why do we need to model our children? Because a child models an adult without any competition or envy. When a child sees a more competent and effective being than him, he immediately, without any reservations, begins to sincerely model him and adopt his skills. And, of course, it’s a no brainer that a parent is more competent than a child in understanding this world, he knows how to live in this world better, and this is the absolute truth. But the child is much more competent than the parent in many things that the parent may have already lost: the ability to develop, the ability to accept the authority of a teacher, the ability to develop his body, the ease of mastering a new language and many other areas. Therefore, it is important for an adult to regain at a new level that ability to learn and learn from another person (characteristic of children), unclouded by social norms, decency and some strange semi-competitive relationships from the series “whose kung fu is cooler”, partly gleaned from Hollywood cinema. What does it mean to love? your child? This means accepting him as he is. What does it mean to respect your child? This means accepting him as he is. What does it mean to be happy for your child? This means accepting what he does for who it is. And what does it mean to accept your child for who he is? This is not “well, okay, where to go, it is, as it is, so be it.” No. “Accept as you are” - this means “What a blessing that you are like this, and how lucky I am that you were born to me, that I know you and live next to you!” © Alexey and Maria Afanasyev. This text is