We show up in relationships. We desire relationships, intimacy, and at the same time we run from them like fire... What motivates us, I analyze today in this article. I myself am very impressed by the huge amount of new experience and knowledge in the topic of psychotherapy for personality disorders. This volume still somehow fits into me, is packed into folders inside, lived in the body as something new, filling an empty space. For example, today I started the day not with coffee, but with the dynamic concept of the personality of Daniil Khlomov. She explains what prevents us from feeling comfortable in our relationships with other people. According to psychoanalytic concepts, which are also used in the Gestalt approach, in each of us lives a “three-headed dragon” - three manifestations - narcissistic, schizoid, neurotic. We react to any life situations from all these heads. In a mentally healthy person, these three manifestations have full-fledged positions - all parts of the personality are heard, expressed and can be responded to. Then we feel harmonious in society, with other people, we can take care of ourselves, our safety, ask for help, we can realize and embody living your own projects, moving forward confidently, being able to cope with failures and setbacks. What about the unhealthy one? Such unhealthy manifestations are often or from time to time observed in each of us. Someone may have one of the radicals who is louder, overshadowing all the others. Unhealthy manifestations in relationships with other people An unhealthy narcissistic manifestation is to show your superiority by demonstrating to another his worthlessness, ignorance, inability. To rise above others, due to your power, authority, success, external beautiful picture. The desire to feel more significant and to receive praise, admiration, and applause from the public for this. And inside you feel endlessly lonely (even next to others) and incapable of close relationships, compassion and empathy. To use others as a function that is needed to satisfy one’s needs. An unhealthy schizoid manifestation is the desire to escape contact with society, closing oneself into one’s own world, so as not to be “swallowed up” or eaten. Other people, in my opinion, are a danger. It is better not to approach them, not to reveal to them your feelings, intentions and desires. There are few people whom they can trust completely - one, two people. Isolation on myself and my life, for example, me and my computer, which definitely won’t swallow me up. Inability to talk about your feelings to your partner. Unhealthy neurotic manifestation (borderline) - I cannot feel what I want, I can only get it from another, so I approach the other very quickly, merge with him, create for him the ideal image that should meet my expectations. And then, when I see a discrepancy with the ideal image, I explode, devalue the relationship, flare up, become aggressive, and leave. Perhaps in order to return again later, idealize, devalue, leave, because being alone is unbearable. I don't know what I am. Only with someone else next to me can I feel myself. I am sharing with you an overview, the topic is not simple, I only touched on it in this post. At the same time, it determines a lot in our lives. People often come to therapy when there is great discomfort in life due to the fact that constant manifestations in relationships with others are completely unhealthy, and healthy ones are silent and unnoticeable. In therapy, it is possible to improve relationships with others, make them warmer and closer, or find your footing in order to separate from painful relationships. Learn to build them the way you want to see them. I believe that almost any pain and problem can be solved in personal therapy. I am ready to carefully accompany you on this path. You can sign up for a consultation via messages on this website or by phone: +7(978) 094 01 44 (all messengers)