It is not an easy task to break down a good relationship into its ingredients and come up with a clear list of criteria. First of all, because a “good relationship” is something living and unique, a process, not a result, and in some sense it is elusive, like life itself. Therefore, you should not look at them too closely. The criteria below are not an exhaustive list, but rather a sketch, notes in the margins, an invitation to think about a topic. 1. Experiencing another as a value, and not as an object. A person is important and interesting in himself, and not just because he plays some role in my life.2. Comfortable distance and the ability to change it People’s ideas about the degree of togetherness and participation in each other’s lives cannot coincide 100%; moreover, they change over the course of life. Spouses and friends may want more or less closeness; growing children move away from their parents, and this is a natural course of development. This can cause pain and give rise to feelings of resentment or guilt. And this is a test for relationships. But it gives the relationship flexibility and retains vitality in it.3. Sincerity The ability to say what you think and feel. But this does not mean that you need to lay out everything that is on your mind. It is important to look for the form, take the other into account and understand why I am talking about this, what I want as a result and how this will affect the relationship. 4. Satisfying significant needs Not all needs can be satisfied in a relationship with one person. And this very idea harms relationships by creating unnecessary expectations. Moreover, a person often cannot satisfy even those needs that he “should” because people are not perfect. We are ready to sacrifice some needs in order to preserve relationships, and some we bring to other people. But there are such fundamental needs (different for everyone) that it is impossible for a person to refuse, and then the relationship becomes a heavy burden for the individual. 5. Development In relationships there is room for differences, conflicts, which for the most part are resolved productively, participants are willing to question themselves and their beliefs.6. There is a place for “bad” feelings. Relationships allow you to be placed in them as they are, even if not entirely, but all significant parts have a place in them. There is no need to suppress aggression; relationships allow you to find an acceptable form of expression and processing.7. Clarity There is no confusion of roles and different expectations from the relationship, there is an opportunity to discuss the relationship openly. 8. The value of relationships Relationships are mutual and significant for both parties. You can add to this list, you can argue, but it is important to remember that there is no standard of good relationships that you can and should check against. And you don't need to look for answers outside. They are all located inside, so it is better, first of all, to focus on your feelings, be sensitive and honest towards yourself and others.