The client changes through the prism of the relationship with the psychotherapist. It is a common misconception that change in psychotherapy occurs through understanding. When a person faces difficulties, he strives to understand what is happening, i.e. intellectually figure out which direction to act in. Habitual actions and beliefs, ways of expressing or suppressing emotions constitute a certain scenario that causes unpleasant symptoms. There are many components to this scenario that need to be understood. The client comes to an appointment and in a conversation with a psychologist understands something important, and since there is an understanding, he hopes that the desired changes in his life or condition will certainly happen - quickly and painlessly. However, understanding and realizing are completely different things, and if we talk about a new way of life, then understanding alone is not enough. Data from modern neurobiological research demonstrate that a person changes only through real experience, in which case new neural connections are formed. Speaking about psychotherapy, this is the experience of a relationship with another person - with a psychotherapist. When a person is hurt and sad, he often seeks new experience in a relationship. But since he has never had such experience - a trusting, open, accepting relationship, he cannot understand what exactly he is looking for. In this case, a person comes up with familiar and understandable explanations for himself. He is looking for advice and recommendations on what to do, rational explanations and interpretations of his behavior, specific guidance for action. While in fact, on an unconscious level, a person wants support, emotional contact, care, empathy, attention and understanding of his feelings and achievements, protection and security, relief from guilt, etc. It is this experience that his psyche lacks - something that could help him learn to accept himself, treat himself differently, build harmonious relationships with other people. If a child was traumatized by a negative experience in his relationship with his parents in childhood, then, as a rule, he needs the experience of other relationships - healthier, more accepting, trusting, respectful. A long-term relationship with a psychotherapist can act as a platform for acquiring such experience, which subsequently affects self-esteem and self-awareness, a person’s attitude towards himself and others. Gaining new experience in relationships helps clients change their lives. The client, together with the psychotherapist, finds out what kind of experience he lacked in his relationship with his parents, and builds a relationship in which there is every opportunity to gain this experience. At the same time, it is necessary to monitor and cope with moments when the client behaves in accordance with the usual scenario and receives in the relationship something that is not at all what he needs. Be attentive to the client’s experiences and fears, notice and work through deep-seated attitudes and psychological defenses. The psychotherapist uses his own example to demonstrate how the client should treat himself - accept himself, notice his strengths, trust himself, take care of himself, sometimes put himself first place and say “no”, etc. Over time, the client appropriates this attitude of the therapist to himself, and then significant changes occur in his life.