From the author: Psychologists often give almost impossible advice. “Forgive yourself”, “love yourself”, “get over the guilt” and so on. Everything sounds good, but “what should we do?” Besides...how does it work? “Yes, I forgave myself, I have already forgiven you, is that clear?!” And what? Even I don’t see any changes around.” Well. I agree. The task is complex and global. Know yourself. No joke. This inscription hung in the temple of the Delphic oracle. As I understand it, if at a temple, then it was something like an instruction on the spiritual path. And such a path usually lasts a lifetime. It’s not always possible to understand yourself, not just on your own, but with the help of a specialist. Sometimes I don’t have enough patience, sometimes I don’t have enough motivation, sometimes circumstances get in the way... But on the other hand, “someone else’s misfortune - so I’ll shrug my shoulders. Moreover, I don’t really have any problems. These problems are with my husband, who is a goat, and with my friend, who is a viper, and with my mother, who raised me wrong and gave me the wrong things as a child.” Indeed, very often people come with the goal of changing their loved ones. Influence them. At the same time, conversations about changing one’s behavior are dismissed as unnecessary. “I’m behaving correctly. It’s everyone around us that behaves differently.” I have two answers to this. Firstly, if they don’t complain about you, this does not mean that they are happy with you. And secondly, your behavior is the only lever with which you can regulate your relationships. You are asking the other person to change. Why on earth? He, the other one, doesn’t even have any claims against you. All the complaints you have, therefore, work in this direction - to change the relationship - is also for you. In this article I want to give a couple of practical tools with which you can influence another person, and, most importantly, track the changes that are in him happen. After all, you can see the straw in someone else’s eye, but you can’t see the log in your own. Perhaps, having applied these tools to another person, and having seen the positive dynamics, you will want to apply these same tools to yourself personally. Let's remember together what you usually do when you are unhappy with someone in your household? You scold them, right? Let, “behind your eyes” you “mutter to yourself” that this is what...and that, and your hands are not from there, and your head is not there. I am glad to inform you, whether you scold “behind the eyes” or in the eyes, the result of your influence will be visible. At the same time, the swallowed accusations will leave you with a feeling of resentment. Therefore, I would argue that direct accusations or unspoken ones are more effective. Why accusations? Well, how.. you scold a person. Therefore, you are accused of inappropriate behavior. Have you heard about guilt? And what does it do in terms of destroying health and psyche? Then you will be interested to know that if you scold, blame a person who is emotionally and physically close to you, that is, you are in symbiosis with him, then your emotional reaction to him will leave a mark on you. Wishes of “evil” to a loved one do not because “it will come back like a boomerang,” as all the witches say, that there is karma, a force that maintains order, or something like that. You may suffer because the troubles brought upon his unlucky head will affect you personally. Not to mention the harm that negative emotions will bring you. After all, what follows guilt? For the feeling of guilt?... Punishment. After all, this is the only way to free yourself from it. Either apologize or be punished. What kind of apology can there be if you haven’t even expressed your complaint? You are quietly angry, attracting someone else.... punishment. What could it be? You say “stupid”. Everyone and everyone is deceiving him. And, after your words, even those who are lazy will be deceived. You say “armless”. And he drops the hammer on his foot or nails his finger instead of a nail. You say “worthless,” and they don’t hire him for a good job with a high salary. The meaning is clear. I don't think you should test this technique. Moreover, most likely, it is “time-tested” anyway. Everything you think about your loved one is true. with their own!