When a person experiences the loss of something or someone significant (loss of a loved one, job, opportunity, etc.), it is always associated with going through the stages of grief: shock (denial), anger (bargaining, guilt, aggression), depression (acceptance that what has been lost is irreversible), restructuring (integration of the experience gained and the formation of new patterns of behavior). Each stage has its own techniques of emotional support, which can be provided by loved ones or a psychologist. But what to do in a situation when the whole society goes through these stages at once. Some are a little faster, some are “stuck”... Moreover, objective losses are disproportionately different for each of us from subjective ones. In some people's lives the changes will be less noticeable, in others they will be colossal. The events of the current days are developing so rapidly and making so many changes in our lives that many simply do not have time to jump out of the stage of numb denial, when it seems that everything around is some kind of movie and you are a spectator... and not a participant... and you want to just turn it on light and allowed the audience to leave the cinema... However, more and more people begin to move to the next stage of “aggression, bargaining, accusations.” On it we ask questions: “Why with me? Why is this happening to us? For what? Who is guilty?" The search for the guilty and self-accusation is a venting of aggression and self-aggression. This is typical for the bargaining stage... and is the norm; the situation is complicated by the fact that a large number of people find themselves in this stage at the same time. Both of these stages are part of the experience of “deep grief,” and in psychotherapy during the period of deep grief, cognitive and rational therapy does not work, psychologists know this. People in deep grief can only express empathy, listen, share emotions... If you try to appeal to arguments, this automatically increases aggression, since the person is in pain, and you put pressure on the patient. Any disagreement automatically moves you towards the accused, and you become an ersatz object of venting aggression. Aggression is a natural protective mechanism; we need it to block such strong destructive emotions as shame and fear. It prevents us from collapsing, but at this stage there is too much of it, and it is everywhere and therefore not safe. Realizing this and understanding how our defense mechanisms work now, be more careful with yourself and your loved ones. They are not aggressive towards you, you are nearby, and you become a convenient object for the outburst of aggression. If you feel that you do not have the resources to support your loved ones in such an experience and you yourself need support, seek help from a specialist. This will allow you to get through the crisis period with minimal losses and maintain relationships with those who are dear to you and also cannot cope with such complex and ambivalent emotions now. Sign up for a consultation Skype nata_smolgrad WhatsApp, Telegram +7-910-710-08-10