First, ask yourself the question: how did you get into them? It is obvious that the future abuser somehow charmed you, was very sweet, attractive, and desirable in your eyes. Perhaps you cannot even fully understand yourself why he hooked you so much. Your unconscious chose him, and you obeyed the surging feelings. And you will choose your next partner in exactly the same way, and therefore you will almost certainly fall into the same trap again. Therefore, you need to change, first of all, your decision-making mechanism. One client was sincerely surprised when I told her that she had no obligation to follow her feelings and emotions, including when choosing a partner. She is faced with a choice: act in accordance with the emotion, contrary to it, or ignore it altogether. This idea seemed wild to her, which is logically understandable. After all, culture, art and popular psychology have taught us to idealize the sphere of feelings. Feelings are sacred, they cannot be influenced, they cannot be controlled. You can only listen to them, bow to them and follow any whim they push you to. Such beliefs sit practically in our subcortex - we don’t notice them, just as a fish doesn’t pay attention to the water in which it swims. From these deep-seated beliefs flow important consequences that subsequently predetermine our behavior strategy in relationships: - Firstly , feelings are thought of as the main thing and almost the only thing that one should focus on when searching for a partner. Without feelings, you can’t do anything at all - even accept an invitation to a movie from a nice and smart person. - Secondly, the belief that feelings towards another person represent a certain constant, that is, they cannot change over time (up to the transition in contrast). "If love has passed, then it was not love." If I didn’t love this person at first sight or on the first date, then I won’t love him later. Therefore, in order to stop entering into toxic/abusive relationships, you need to change the very algorithm for choosing a partner, which is already hardwired into your unconscious (“Reflash the system”). And if you want to develop a specific and personalized plan on how to do this, then welcome to therapy :). I am ready to help you resolve this and many other problems..