How to let go and forget a person? Our life is a series of meetings and partings. To move on to partings, I’ll talk a little about meetings. Imagine, for example, Valera walks and sees Dasha (all coincidences of names are random), somewhere it resonated with him and he decided: “Here she is - the dream of my life! We will start a family and be happy!” The theory of emotional investment, which was created by Professor N.D. Linde explains:...this fixation of the subject's libido has the meaning of an investment in the future! Conditional Valera makes a “bet” (decisive choice) in favor of a specific person - Dasha. He firmly ties his happiness, his destiny, his future with her. He invests the energy of his hopes and dreams into the future. Thus, our own investments are projected onto the other, which creates a powerful attraction to the object in order to regain the invested feelings, parts of the personality. Let's return to Valera and Dasha. They met, communicated, and then it turns out that Dasha is a flighty flirt/unbalanced hysterical/terrible bore and you can’t create a family with her, and “seriously and for a long time” turned out to be a pipe dream for Valera. The relationship has broken up, the person feels the loss of his hopes, but his investments still remain invested and he experiences a state of emotional dependence. Let's move on to breakups. Breakups can be different, for example: a couple broke up, friends stopped communicating, dismissal and leaving the team, children left, etc. After breaking up in reality, we have a constant dialogue and interaction in our heads with the very people with whom we broke up: we explain, we prove, We get angry, we look at how our ex is doing with one eye. This suggests that within us the relationship continues, we have not ended it, although everything is fine with our exes and they do not remember us. Why do we continue relationships in inner reality? Because they left something very important in them. In other words, we are the ones holding them back. To stay in touch with something important. What happens if you just stop having internal dialogue? We will feel like we have lost a part of ourselves. As if something good remained with that person. What we invest in another person or people, or relationships, the so-called emotional investments: Feelings and emotions Life energy Parts of personality Desires and dreams Hopes and expectations Intentions and demands Debt and responsibility Why do we keep in touch? We understand with our minds that it won’t work out, everything is for the better, but we still hope to get it someday, i.e. "hanging on a hook." As if only he/she is able to give us what we passionately desire - a return to the state of “I felt so good.” With ex-lovers, we want things to be as good as they were before. But we do not let go of the offenders, so that they compensate for our suffering, and we feel as good as we were before meeting them. A strong emotional connection arises. Sometimes this can last for years. At the same time, the other participant in this story may not know anything about what you have invested in him. To end a relationship with a person, you need to take back your emotional investment, return the strength invested in that relationship, and end the emotional connection. Sometimes you still have to return other people's expectations. The end will be a loss of interest in that person, a sense of integrity of oneself. There are times when it is not possible to return “I have already worked so much, but still nothing, I still suffer.” Then we need to look for the reason why we remain in this state. These may be other people's expectations of us, we unconsciously want to stay in touch with this person and others. It is important to understand the reason that for some reason you need to “suffer”. To forget and let go of a person, the following methods do not work: a strong-willed decision, the practice of “forgive and let go,” urgent new relationships. Working methods: Everything invested can be returned with the help of emotional-imaginative therapy. Thank you for your attention! Sign up for personal consultations at.