Clients often come to consultations with the request: “I want to learn to manage my emotions, understand myself and others.” But the child’s ideas about his own and other people’s emotions are formed under the influence of the parents’ reaction to how he expresses these emotions. And by developing the emotional sphere of the child, parents thereby teach the child the ability to manage his feelings and understand the feelings of another person. But it also happens that a parent devalues, ignores, despises or condemns the child’s emotions, believing that he supports him, teaches emotional control, educates a “real man.” But what kind of “real man” is he? And what kind of man does a woman want to see next to her? If parents do their best to raise “real men,” then why are so many wives and children not happy with their husbands and/or fathers? Who then do parents raise: a husband and father or a son and a boy? such a lyrical digression, and we will discuss this another time. For now, let’s talk about the parent’s reactions using examples. When a child cries, for example, because he didn’t get something, wasn’t the first in a competition, or his toy was lost or broken, what does the parent say (trying, naturally, to help the child)? - It’s okay, next time you’ll win... (devaluation) - Don’t be capricious! Stop crying! Why are you whining like a girl?! (condemnation, contempt) - It’s not scary, everything will be fine! (depreciation, ignoring) - Your toy will be found, there was nothing to throw away! (depreciation, revenge) - I want a lot of things too! You want a lot - you get little! And, having become an adult, such a child will probably (turning to his rational part) justify his parents, say that they tried to support him with these reactions and will not define them as rejection, ignoring or contempt. If you do too think, then ask yourself a question (and answer it honestly): If now, as an adult, it was difficult, offensive, or you felt injustice, would such an answer seem supportive to you? Would it make you feel better? Would you feel that are you understood? Or would you feel like the other person just brushed you off? That they don't understand you? And grow up from children whose emotions were forbidden (Don't you dare be mad at your mother!), judged (What's all this whining?), ignored ( It’s okay) adults who do not understand their emotional state (What’s wrong with me?), cannot tolerate strong emotions, drowning them out with alcohol, drugs or workaholism, feeling guilty for their emotions (I’m selfish, I shouldn’t be sad, because my husband wants to help me by laughing at my sadness. I’m not grateful...) Such adults devalue their feelings and the feelings of their loved ones or become such “cool machos” who, ignoring their feelings, laugh at the feelings of others, or, entering into numerous sexual relationships, look for love and need in them that were not received in childhood. How should one develop the emotional sphere of a child so that he grows up loving, understanding and reliable? 1. Learn to understand how the child feels. And for this, it is important for a parent to develop his own emotionality in order to notice the shades of his child’s emotions. And if you manage to understand how he feels, you must definitely name this emotion and thus help the child understand and give a name to what is happening to him. “I can imagine how angry you are!” “That must have really upset you.” By talking to your child in this way, you teach him to pay attention to his emotional state and recognize its significance. 2. Accept and acknowledge your child's feelings, even if they seem inappropriate, stupid or wrong to you. Parents are often afraid of such situations, because... they don’t know what to do, they feel sorry for the child and don’t want him to suffer. And they try to quickly calm the child and thus calm themselves, because if the child is happy, the mother is happy. But situations when the child is very excited, anxious or confused are those situations in which he.)