The year 2005 is ending. The streets are already dressed up with festive shop windows. We take stock of the past year and prepare gifts for loved ones. Someone traditionally says that it was a difficult year, and if only it would end, the new one will be better and easier. And someone is planning the upcoming holiday thinking about the Christmas tree and Olivier salad. Everyone approaches this holiday in their own way. And I open my diary, written a long time ago. just before the New Year, and I read: “A little more and... a new year. What's there? New people, meetings, partings. Is he really that new? We call each year new, with hope... Everything is different. We decide to write everything again, on a clean sheet of paper. Only the mistakes are the same, and again we put the commas in the wrong place. It’s not a matter of a new leaf.” Many years have passed, and I, already a certified psychologist, come to the same conclusions. And I’m thinking about how to truly celebrate this holiday. After all, in order to introduce something new into your life, you need to make room for change. This means we have to part with something. Today I will not talk about the need to throw away old things, although this also has its place. I will talk about what really prevents us from actually having new people, meetings, new work, in a word, what we want in the new year. What is this? Our grievances! This is the burden that we carry with us from year to year, often without even noticing its destructive impact. It is heavy and we complain about the lack of lightness and freedom in our lives. We cannot enter into a new relationship while continuing to be offended by our former loved ones. It is thanks to grievances that we say: “They are all the same.” It would seem as easy as shelling pears to say, “I forgive so-and-so.” But resentment is a feeling that does not go away so easily. What should be done? First, make a list of your grievances. Remember who you are still offended by. If the list only includes those people who are with you now, your parents, children, loved ones, then this is not the end of the world. After all, what kind of feeling is “resentment”? By saying that you are offended by a person, you are thereby saying that you are hurt, but also that the relationship with this person is important to you, that he is valuable to you! Resentment is possible only against loved ones! And it is always present in relationships that are significant to us. And it’s important to talk about it, by doing this you tell your loved one that you don’t need to be treated like that. After all, he may not even suspect that his actions are unpleasant for you! There is no need to demand people to be telepaths. It is important not only to tell your loved one that you are offended by him, but also be sure(!) to add that he is valuable to you. I remember a woman who was offended that her husband often gave her flowers. Can you imagine? It turned out that she thought that he was cheating on her and, by giving flowers, was atone for her sins. She accepted the bouquet, after which her mood deteriorated, and she spoke to her husband through clenched teeth. The husband actually didn’t even think about having an affair, and his wife’s reaction baffled him. This is, of course, an anecdotal situation, and when they explained themselves, everything fell into place. I understand that it is very scary to talk about your grievances, as it is scary to lose a relationship. And perhaps someone close to you shouldn’t say this to their face. For example, your parents are most likely not ready for such changes in their relationship. It’s better to take a photo of your parents, put it in front of you and tell them about your love and grievances. And finally, forgive them, because there are no perfect parents, otherwise you would have to be a perfect child, and this is unrealistic. It is important to understand what exactly you are offended by. Most often, please note, grievances are born not when we are hurt, but when a person does not correspond to the image that we have come up with for him. And in this case, the phrase: “I forgive you for not being what I wanted you to be” is very useful. By forgiving him, we begin to see a real and genuine person, and this is much more interesting. And if on your list of grievances there are also people whom you have not seen before!