From the author: Author - Maria Dolgopolova - sourceI present to you bad advice on how to bring yourself to “depression”1. First, you need to make sure that your life situation is insoluble. The best thing to do is tell someone else about it. If he offers some options for getting out of the situation, you can immediately discover that in your case it will not work or it is not suitable for you. This, among other things, will give you some pleasure - you will be able to see the helplessness of another. Perhaps he will even feel guilty that he could not support you at such a significant moment. There is a way out. But for some reason you may like it even less than the “unsolvable” situation itself. 2. Secondly, you need to perceive any experience you gain as one that has not brought you anything new. You already know everything you need about what bothers you. You can try to take something from any experience for yourself to improve your life or condition. From the outside, it’s easy to notice how some people are able to learn a lot (let’s call it that) even from the most insignificant situation, while others gain nothing from receiving the same experience. The fact is that this is a separate skill that can be developed throughout life - the ability to analyze, comprehend your experience and get as much as possible from what happens. Read also: “A small step towards changing your life” You, of course, can take anything to improve the situation, but most importantly:3. Remember to notice that no effort brings real benefit. It often happens that the greater the satisfaction that achieving a goal promises, the more difficult it is to achieve it. Many people consciously, and more often unconsciously, “give up” on difficult tasks altogether. To get something valuable that is not at arm’s length, you need to go through a certain path, sometimes requiring effort and time. In order to get ready for such a journey and not leave it prematurely, you need to be able to see even the smallest steps.4. You definitely need to encourage yourself to think positively. You can’t dwell on the sad. You need to move on, even if your thoughts again return you to the previous situation and make you sad. It is important to do your best to maintain yourself in a state of carefree lightness and joy, especially in the presence of people. Unfortunately, if something tragic happens in life, the loss of a significant relationship, death, loss of a favorite job, then the only thing that allows you to leave it in the past (start to move on, not to return thoughts, to emotionally engage in something new) is an experience of loss or grief. Thinking positively is important in small things. And in those situations where “positive attitudes” do not help, a person deals with a loss in which he is emotionally involved, whether he wants it or not. And not temporary, but final relief can only be brought by the completed process of grief. Read also: “Why doesn’t time heal?”5. Give up your desires. Convince yourself that they are not realizable. This is of no use to you. Learn to live with what you have. Stop trying or even thinking about it as a possibility. You may lose what you already have. And in the end you will be left with nothing, or it will be even worse (you saw it yourself). Remember all the little things that you value or once valued. Talk more to people who feel the same way as you. Romantics and maximalists will also become disappointed over time. And those who do, either have something you don’t have by birthright, or they pay a price that’s not worth it. You never know why and what works. You need to appreciate what you have. It can be even worse. A lot of people at a certain age “give up” and give up their desires. As a rule, this happens to people whose desires were initially quite unrealistic. It’s as if they are saying with their actions: “I want it this way, but if it’s not possible, then I don’t need anything at all!” Children do this sometimes. If they don't buythe toy is exactly the one they wanted, they are offended and with an important look refuse the alternatives offered by their parents. But in adulthood, prolonged abstinence from awareness of desires and actions to realize them leads to the fact that a person becomes sad and tired. From the inside, this is experienced as a “lack of strength,” a feeling that everything is difficult. Many attribute this to age, that the strength is no longer the same as in youth. But psychological research and practice show that maintaining an active life position is directly related to a feeling of satisfaction with one’s life and the subjective experience of having strength and energy. Exploring your desires requires special mental work. And the ability to formulate realistic desires that can be fulfilled is half the way to their realization.6. It is important to trust the impressions and assessments of other people more than your own! Don’t forget that you need to adapt to others, otherwise you will simply be left alone. Your attitude towards yourself depends entirely on how the people who matter to you treat you. Therefore, it is better to throw all your efforts into winning the favor of your loved ones. Subjectively, it may seem that the better we are, the more they will love us. The roots of this emotional belief are usually formed in childhood. Almost all parents behave in the same way, they are more generous with love when their children behave well, and on the contrary, they are extremely cold when the child makes a mistake, shows weakness, or behaves incorrectly from their point of view . Those parents who simplify the future life of their children are those who, even scolding the child, carefully remind and show him that, despite the quarrel, they love and value him very much. The most susceptible to this belief are children whose parents rarely showed their love in words, through affection or attention (desire to spend time with the child, do something interesting). In this case, the child often develops the idea that if he were a little better, he would receive more love from his parents (which means he needs to become better and better). But in fact, even if he did, he wouldn’t get it. Parents love their children as best they can. But it is easier for a vulnerable child’s psyche to find causality in its “badness” than to admit that something as important as love may be beyond its control. In adulthood, the trauma of being unloved is repeated. Because the partner who initially dislikes is chosen, and the little child inside us tries to “win” his love and replace the disappointment of childhood with victory.7. You can’t be angry! After all, deep down in your soul you know that you are the one who is wrong and that this is your fault. So fix it! When you correct it and you will be angry! Besides, no one needs evil people. And loneliness is unacceptable for you. Focus on what depends on you! Become a better person, work on yourself. Almost all people with chronic depression have serious problems with experiencing and expressing their anger. This is too large a topic to be discussed in detail here. The important thing is that anger also has a bright side; it plays an important role in a person’s life, in his well-being. A person who sees his own fault in any quarrel and is not able to distinguish where he should be angry with himself and where he should be angry with another will have difficulties in any areas of life that involve contact with people. Anger is not a malignant growth that can be cut out at will. But what you can do is learn to handle your anger and channel it in the right direction.8. Pull yourself together! Your crying is unbearable for the people around you. Things aren't so bad for you that you need to worry SO much about it. As a rule, the most depressed and unhappy people are those who are trying to force themselves to pull themselves together. The explanatory comment here is the same as in point 4. One of the fastest ways to overcome grief is to share it with other people who can listen and understand you. And such conversations hardly pass without tears. Therefore, deciding not to cry under any circumstances.