The very moment when, while talking with a person, we switch our attention to thoughts about what we need/how best to respond, or remember similar situations in the past, we are missing something very important, namely awareness: we listen, but do not hear, and this is the key to successful relationships. Obstacles to conscious attention, namely listening during communication, according to M. Mackay, Ph.D. and clinical psychologist, can be: • Mind reading. We think we know what the other person is feeling and thinking without asking.• Rehearsal. We think about what we want to say, skipping what is currently being said.• Filtering. We hear only what is important and relevant to us, and ignore the rest (even if it is important to the other person).• Evaluation. We judge the other person and what they say rather than trying to understand how they see the world.• Distraction. We are caught up in memories or fantasies when someone is talking to us.• Seeking recommendations. We seek advice and solutions instead of listening and understanding.• Sparring. We neglect the other person's feelings by disputing and judging them.• The desire to be right. We resist or ignore any information that suggests we are wrong or need to change.• Going off topic. We change the subject as soon as we hear something that worries or threatens us.• Agreement. We agree too quickly with another person without really listening to their feelings or problems. Relationships with any person require attention, be it a spouse, friend, colleague, client or random travel companion. Maintaining a good relationship depends on how much we notice the feelings and reactions of the other person and how attentive we are to the processes occurring between us. Observing a person's facial expression, body language, tone of voice, or words during a conversation so that you can focus on their mood and the state of your relationship is mindful attention. It is a kind of guarantee that you are in the current moment: participating in what you see, hear and feel emotionally. The manifestation of conscious attention provides not only the opportunity to notice the manifestation of a problem before it consumes us, but also the necessary time to to ask clarifying questions that can very often correct the situation. The lack of this kind of attention can lead to the fact that we do not notice vital signals about the needs and reactions of the interlocutor in time, or we unjustifiably project our fears and feelings onto another person, and when caught off guard by an unnoticed negative reaction, we will be forced to “run.” Conscious attention also includes ourselves and observing our own experiences in relation to other people.✓ Do we need something from the other person (for example, attention or help)?✓ Do we need to change what is happening between us (for example, criticism or imposed help )?✓ Do we have feelings that signal something important (hurt, sadness, shame, anxiety)? By noticing our feelings, we have a chance to understand what needs to change in the relationship before we “explode” or run away Mindful attention is one of the primary skills for interpersonal effectiveness because it helps us read important signals about the state of our relationships with other people. When in a conversation with a friend or colleague, I notice some ambiguity or inconsistency between the words spoken and the nonverbal cues, then I can ask a clarifying question, for example: “Are we all right?” With a certain degree of openness/trust, people are happy to make contact and are willing to talk about what they don’t like or worry about. This is a great way to avoid being overwhelmed by doubts and is perhaps the best time to resolve conflicts and maintain good relationships. Next time you talk to someone, try practicing observing the present?