I painted myself into a corner. How to stop being convenient for a man? One of the most frequent requests in my consultations. I will share a typical story in which a woman tried in every possible way to adapt to her husband’s wishes and almost lost herself. The image was created using the Kandinsky neural network. Remember: it is impossible to love others without loving yourself. Nobody will love anyone who doesn’t love himself. How can I stop being comfortable and deserving love? Zoya considered herself ugly and not smart enough. Dressed worse than others. Studying at a local university. Doesn't shine with his figure. And it wouldn’t hurt to lose weight. No one supported her at home. On the contrary, my mother reproached me all the time. And this only strengthened her doubts - something was wrong with her. When I met another guy, I tried to understand what kind of person I needed to be in order to be liked. Zoya learned the tastes of her new acquaintance and adapted to them. She caught every critical remark towards others and immediately “corrected” herself - let him see - she’s not like that! But for some reason the relationship didn’t work out. One day Misha appeared. And it didn't disappear after a month. It came to the wedding. However, day by day he became more and more demanding and dissatisfied. He hinted that he was bored and had nothing to talk about with Zoya. Misha got used to it - his wife obeys him without a word. Does everything he says. He didn’t think about the fact that a girl might also want something. And she never spoke about her desires. Zoya realized that she had driven herself into a trap. She forgot what she really was like. What's left of her anyway? There was no longer any strength to adjust. And she was angry. But saying it out loud is scary. When she hinted to her husband about her dissatisfaction, he did not react. Either he didn’t hear or he shrugged his shoulders - it was normal before, but what happened now? That’s when clients like Zoya most often turn to me for advice. It can be difficult for them to decide to make changes. If we speak in terms of schema therapy, then such women are influenced by the schemes of Submission, Self-Sacrifice, are often afraid of being abandoned (the Abandonment scheme) and believe that there is something wrong with them (the Defectiveness scheme). Gradually, with the help of a thoughtful step-by-step program, the situation is changing for the better and an understanding appears - I am already a valuable person and a worthy woman, everything is fine with me. They learn to hear themselves and their own desires, to allow them. Speak out loud if you don't like something. Notice the discomfort rather than habitually endure it. Conclusion: trying to be comfortable in everything, completely reshaping yourself to suit another person will not lead to happiness! But this way you can easily lose respect for you as a person. Relationships are serious and long-term. There will be many moments that require agreements, mutual concessions, and common decisions. But if you are the only one who adapts, then sooner or later you will experience exhaustion, quarrels and the collapse of your relationship. Are you familiar with situations like Zoe’s? Maybe you yourself are now changing yourself for someone else? If you can’t get out of this relationship scenario, sign up for a consultation. Together we will find a solution! Sincerely, psychologist Irina Zhueva.