From the author: you can read this article in the current magazine for women “OsobaYa”Parents are most reluctant to forgive their children the flaws that they themselves instilled in them. Maria Ebner-Eschenbach It happened a long time ago: once my husband and I went to visit people, my husband had business with the owner. While the men were deciding their affairs, the hostess and I settled down in the kitchen to chat about our own, “girlish things.” The owners at that time had a child, a boy of 4-5 years old. It is clear that the adult boys sent him away, so the child ran to us girls and began to hover around us: “to warm his ears.” To prevent the child from just fidgeting, I asked him to take care of himself, i.e. pour me some tea. The boy happily ran to fulfill his aunt's request. But at that moment the hostess seized his initiative and did everything herself. The boy left the kitchen offended. I asked the hostess: “Why did you do this?” The answer surprised me: “He’ll break the cup!” Now let's talk about what really happened. We girls always dream of a strong man who we can rely on, who will protect us and always help us. And that's okay. The only problem is that we ourselves do not allow them to do this. A striking illustration of the “ban” mechanism is the story described above. No one will deny that the best way to understand the world is through your own mistakes... unfortunately. And a child’s cognition mainly occurs through tactile sensations: you need to touch, try, take apart, break. And that's okay too. But it is precisely on this path of knowledge that caring parents appear who, having already had such experience, try to “protect the child.” In their own way, they are right, because they are driven by a good intention. But we all know: the road is paved with good intentions... where? After all, in trying to protect, we actually prohibit knowledge. And in the story I told, the mother actually forbade the child to be responsible for the woman (!) and for herself as well. She herself made a choice between “responsibility” and “an unbroken cup.” The cup wins! You know, when conducting seminars/meetings with parents, I very often come across the fact that parents make chaotic prohibitions, absolutely not understanding what this can lead to. But I don't blame them for that. This, most often, does not happen out of malice, but out of ignorance. I deliberately omit all the details of my work in such cases, otherwise I will have to write a book, not an article. But the essence of my work comes down to the realization that the number of prohibitions can be significantly reduced if you simply understand that all prohibitions come down to three categories: Prohibitions that preserve life. Prohibitions that preserve health. Prohibitions of a social nature. The first require strict execution. To do this, you just need to control everything yourself, for example, close the windows if you live above the second floor. The second - you just need to link it into a simple scheme: mom’s “no” = “physical pain” (I’m not talking about assault). At one time, to prevent my child from getting into an open fire, I allowed him to touch the light bulb that was on. Then she regretted it, but reminded her: “I said you couldn’t, but you didn’t listen to me.” The third category is formed on your life principles and ALWAYS requires a detailed explanation - why it is “impossible”, what this can lead to. But it works if you are an authority for your child. In all other cases, you will simply get resistance. At the end of my article, I want to remind you once again: you, parents, became so smart only because you had the opportunity to learn. Give your children the same opportunity and they will definitely surprise you. I think it’s even nice J. Good luck to you!