From the author: “Every day I understand that my son (12 years old) is gradually ceasing to be the child he used to be. His needs are changing, he is growing up and demanding more and more autonomy for himself. "If a teenager is not considered an adult, he begins to behave like a child." Alfred E. Newman Each of us would very much like to have no problems with children, especially problems with obedience. But in reality, everything turns out to be so problematic that adults become confused, begin to look for solutions, become even more confused, and the growing child takes more and more power into his own hands. Remember yourself as a teenager: a sea of ​​energy, an insatiable need for independence, anticipation and uncertainty before the start of adulthood, searching for yourself, choosing a profession. And experience accumulated through trial and error. It is not surprising that parents worry about their children and try to protect them from possible wrong actions. At the same time, they themselves make a huge mistake, worsening already difficult relationships with teenagers. To understand them, you need to be patient, show participation and show life wisdom and willingness to help. Peculiarities of adolescence. During adolescence, the physiological restructuring of the body coincides with active mental and social development. The formation of social connections is accompanied by the search for one’s place in the world, awareness and acceptance of one’s social roles. Yesterday’s child is looking for answers to the questions “Who am I?” and “what am I doing in this world?” Please note that the answers received in adolescence in most cases last a lifetime. If a teenager decides that he is an outcast and no one is happy with him, this attitude will haunt him all his life. On the contrary, when a child finds his place in the world and society during adolescence, he successfully copes with this task throughout his life. Now do you understand why it is very important to raise teenagers correctly? Is it difficult to be a teenager. The teenage period from 10 to 15 years is a time of rapid and largely contradictory development, followed by a period of relatively calm growth and accumulation of strength in younger schoolchildren. At this time, significant changes occur in both the child’s body and psyche, which play an extremely important role in the formation of a person’s personality. It is no coincidence that the French philosopher JJ Rousseau called adolescence the “Second Birth.” The age of a teenager is a turning point. The child’s body undergoes profound restructuring, and at a very fast pace. Rapid physical development is accompanied by a number of contradictory aspects. Much attention should be paid to the regime of work, rest and nutrition, hygiene and physical culture. It should be remembered that the process of puberty begins and even ends before a growing person gains spiritual maturity. The gap between the completion of puberty and the onset of civil social maturity is one of the main contradictions of adolescence. Realizing the new things that appear in his life in the attitude of those around him, the teenager increasingly thinks about his capabilities, characteristics, advantages and disadvantages, about the nature of his relationships with comrades and adults. One of the biggest desires of a teenager is to become an adult, which in his understanding means to be independent. The desire for independence is visible in everything: “I can already do everything that adults do.” In families where the teenager’s right to a certain independence is recognized, where both the attitude towards him and the nature of the demands change in a timely manner, he usually develops and matures normally. If a teenager’s desire to become an adult in the opinion of others and in his own eyes is suppressed by petty supervision, excessive rigidity of control, and distrust of his capabilities, he begins to “conquer” independence in a wide variety of ways and means, and first of all those that, as a rule, are condemned . The teenager becomes stubborn, disobedient, and rude. Misunderstanding between him andgrows up with parents, conflicts and mutual grievances arise. Of course, the reasonable provision of a certain degree of independence to a teenager has nothing to do with his complete lack of control and neglect. A teenager wants to be an adult, but he cannot always be one in everything. He needs constant help, advice and friendly guidance from his parents. What teenagers expect from you: 1. No anger or irritation, only maximum patience, understanding and sympathy.2. Help in building relationships with peers (allow them to invite them home, throw parties, attend similar events).3. Honesty. If you are afraid of something, then do not be afraid to tell your teenager about it, and not just thoughtlessly prohibit everything that is not familiar to you. Don't be afraid to admit your mistakes and imperfections. This will help build a trusting relationship with your child. At the same time, you will not lose authority in his eyes, but will earn respect.4. Time. You should always take the time to listen to your child. Otherwise, he will simply withdraw into himself and stop sharing his experiences with you.5. Unobtrusiveness. All your advice given to a teenager may not necessarily be taken into account by him. Let him decide and choose for himself!6. Praise. Parents often forget about the “carrot” method of education, but they always remember about the “stick”. Don’t be afraid to over-praise your teenager; on the contrary, right now, your sense of pride in him is more important to him than ever.7. No pressure. Avoid sharp, unambiguous statements regarding the teenager’s future profession, his studies, or intimate relationships. A categorical “no” is unlikely to stop a child from rash actions; rather, it will become a catalyst and call to action that you are so afraid of. Of course, clearly immoral, forbidden and expensive pleasures can and should be prohibited, but everything else must be allowed. At the same time, instead of boring the teenager with calls for caution, teach him better ways of self-defense, defending his rights and interests8. No violence. A teenager will not treat you better and respect you if you use physical or psychological violence against him. When a child turns to you, you don’t need to follow his lead and immediately agree with all his demands, but you must show that you are ready for dialogue, that you will help him cope with difficulties, that you are ready to think with him about solving the problem. Advice for parents of teenagers: During adolescence, the teacher must help the student to seek and find his place in the world and in society. How to do this in practice? Recommendations from teenage psychologists will help you answer this question: • Create conditions for the normal development of the child’s body. The state of mind directly depends on physiological factors to which children are especially sensitive. A teenager must follow a work and rest schedule, get enough sleep, spend a lot of time in the fresh air, and do physical exercise. Mental stress at school should be complemented by physical development. Therefore, do not miss the opportunity to enroll your child in sports clubs, dances, or a travel club. • Communicate with your child as much as possible, spend leisure time with him, answer his questions. In this case, your opinion will remain authoritative for the child, and you will be able to influence his views and attitude towards himself and the world. • Do not impose your point of view on the child. Try to get him to look for answers to the questions posed together with you. Ask your teenager his opinion about certain social phenomena, emphasize that his thoughts are important to you. • Become an example for your child. If your family has a respectful attitude towards elders, friendly communication between spouses is encouraged, the teenager will certainly remember this and implement it in his own family. • Try to teach your child to conflict constructively and negotiate with peers. A teenager should not fight, swear, or break off relationships with friends. Explain to him.