From the author: published on the website Anger is one of the most important emotions, and it is perceived as something negative, something that causes harm and destroys your life. Each of us, at least once in our lives, has experienced shame and guilt for not holding back our anger in time in front of a loved one or respected person. Sometimes this even caused a break in relationships. Therefore, finding a solution to how to get rid of anger is relevant for almost every person. Containing your anger is not so easy. Like any other strong emotion, it arises spontaneously and is difficult to control consciously. We must not forget that holding back anger is not always reasonable and useful, since it does not allow you to express your feelings and remove barriers that impede the achievement of goals. In addition, regular suppression of anger leads to pathological activation of the autonomic nervous system, which may be the cause of certain diseases. Therefore, there is no need to fight anger, it is better to learn how to use and control it correctly. What is anger? In order to get rid of anger, you need to know what kind of feeling it is. Anger is a negative emotion directed against experienced injustice and accompanied by the desire to eliminate it. When you feel angry, you may feel your blood boil, your face burn, and your muscles tense. Sometimes it feels like a volcano or a hurricane. You feel physical force that prompts you to attack the offender. You have so much energy that sometimes it feels like you'll explode if you don't hit someone. It is from this energy that you feel bold and courageous. This is where the main meaning of anger arises - increasing physical strength to deal with obstacles and dangers. Throughout its existence, humanity has repeatedly faced various threats, and largely thanks to anger, it managed to overcome them. But as civilization develops, society has created entire institutions that ensure the safety of human life, so the need for anger is gradually decreasing. Modern man is still susceptible to anger and rage, but their manifestation from the point of view of law and morality is almost always condemned (except in cases of protecting oneself and loved ones). Therefore, some people now consider anger to be more of a nuisance than a positive element of behavior, and are intensely racking their brains over the question of how to get rid of anger forever. However, from the point of view of psychology, the complete exclusion and suppression of anger is unwise, because anger is part of the human condition. nature. A person needs to be able to use it for his own benefit. Maybe we rarely find ourselves in a situation of real physical threat (although sometimes we do, and we wouldn’t want to lose our anger in it!). But more and more often we are faced with the need to protect ourselves from psychological pressure. In these situations, the ability to use moderate and controlled anger will be very helpful and will help you defend your rights. After all, if someone is putting moral or psychological pressure on you, he needs to give a firm and decisive rebuff, and the basis of this rebuff can be moderate anger. Your anger will be useful not only to you, but also to the person who, by violating social norms, puts you or someone else in danger. This does not mean that you need to rebuff every person and in every situation. If you make hostility and aggression the norm in your life, you may face suffering. However, their absence does not mean a happy life - rather the opposite. Therefore, it is very important to learn to control your anger. Causes of anger There can be a lot of them, and in order to understand how to get rid of irritability and anger, you need to understand the reasons that cause them. Psychologists describe four main groups of causes of anger: 1 Restriction of freedom - physical or psychological. An example of restricting physical freedom would be a baby’s screaming and anger when his mother holds his hands anddoesn't let them chat. In older people, we are most often talking about psychological lack of freedom - for example, about some rules, restrictions or conventions.2 The presence of obstacles in achieving a goal. When you are doing something and suddenly an obstacle comes between you and the goal, the first thing you do is get angry, and then you try to overcome it. For example, if you brought documents to an official, and he is sitting and drinking tea, you will feel angry and try to hand over the documents to him, no matter what.3 Psychological reasons. These could be thoughts about mistakes, grievances, injustice, insults. A person can be angry at other people if he considers them the cause of his misadventures, as well as at circumstances or inanimate objects. For example, a person with a serious illness is angry at the fate that “bestowed” him with it.4 Very unpleasant sensations - severe cold, hunger, pain, dirt, in general, any discomfort. For example, if you spent the whole day hungry, it will not be surprising when you suddenly get angry with your household in the evening. These four main reasons, in essence, come down to one thing - infringement of our self. Various obstacles prevent us from achieving our goals and satisfying our needs, which in fact in fact it is the same thing. This is where the key to controlling your anger lies. Practical tips for managing anger Typically, when we feel angry, we do one of the following: try to pull ourselves together and gain control over the situation, attack the object and cause of anger in some way, or perform some irrational action. More often. In general, you find yourself in situations where you cannot express your anger, which is why psychological recommendations on self-regulation will be useful to you. This is especially true if you have uncontrollable outbursts of anger - how to get rid of them? The most important thing is to understand what makes you angry. If you think that some person is to blame for your misadventures, try to soberly assess - did he do everything he could to prevent this situation from happening? In most cases, the honest answer is yes. And if not, ask him about it. He may not want to, and this is his right, then you can either wait or try not to have anything in common with this person anymore. Being angry at some circumstance is funny, because objectively it does not exist. The mechanism is simple: instead of yourself, you address your anger to someone or something else. Try not to get angry, but think carefully - what can you do to correct the situation and achieve your desired goal? Look at the problem from different angles, and, most likely, a solution will be found. Sometimes we get angry at something or someone when they seem somehow different to us. For example, we think a person is stupid and a vase is funny, and this makes us angry. Most often, the reason for anger lies in the fact that we do not allow ourselves or others to be like that - stupid or funny. Accordingly, the key to managing anger here is to be fully aware of what makes you angry and mentally allow the object of anger to be as it is. Concentrate on solving the problem, not on finding someone to blame. Describe the problem for yourself from all sides, draw up a detailed action plan and periodically check the progress in its implementation. Try to focus on intelligence and logic rather than on feelings of anger and irritation. If you want to express anger at the source or object of anger, then express it specifically and to the point. There is no need to drag in the past and stories of other people. Remember that you are scolding a person for his certain action. Only then does your aggression have a chance to remain useful and constructive and not cause retaliatory anger. Use humor. Sigmund Freud also said that humor is a socially acceptable channel of aggression. Simply put, when you feel angry, try making a joke - even if it is poisonous and sarcasm - and you will see how your anger decreases. Learn to relax. You need to learn to control your breathing - it should be deep and slow. To enhance relaxation, use visualization -.