From the author: One of the problems with self-esteem (low) is the ability to stand up for yourself. We are what we think. If we think of ourselves as a person unable to stand up for ourselves, we see ourselves as helpless, then more and more often in our lives situations arise where we are rude, criticized, etc. A person who thinks of himself as helpless again and again again confirms the inability to resist rudeness and is increasingly plunged into a depressive state, and is also convinced of their own insecurity. How many times insecure people promise themselves to answer, but again and again refuse. It seems like a vicious circle from which it is impossible to get out, and the whole world is against you alone... Let's first figure out what is considered rudeness and insult, and then develop a behavior strategy. Rudeness and insult are signs of verbal aggression. Aggression is based on violence (verbal, emotional, physical). The desire to hurt another (aggression) originates from fear. It turns out that the insulter (boor) is the same insecure person, only if some insecure people “swallow their tongues,” then others loosen it. Everything that is directed at you with aggression can be considered an insult. But how then can we understand that one person considers such behavior an insult to himself, and another does not? In general, we ourselves choose how to treat it: consider it an insult or ignore it... If for you some tone, words, gestures, behavior is offensive - be honest with yourself and don’t pretend that everything is fine and nothing happened! By doing so, you are simply betraying yourself... We were not taught at school the rules of social behavior and communication, but this does not mean that there are no such rules. How many no matter how old you are now, there is always an opportunity for learning. There are several rules on how to respond to insults: - Don’t be like the offender! After all, he wants to provoke you into retaliatory rudeness; - Realize your feelings after an insult, check with yourself; - Always talk about your feelings and desires; FOR EXAMPLE: Your husband sits with a newspaper and criticizes you while you are cleaning the apartment. 1. If you experience negative feelings inside (resentment, anger), first check within yourself: “I’m angry because this situation seems unfair to me.” 2. Tell him your feelings and desires. “I’m angry and offended that I’m cleaning alone, and at the same time you’re reading the newspaper and criticizing me. I want us to do the cleaning together.” - Talk about your feelings and desires several times! As a rule, all people are absorbed in their own experiences and time will pass before they hear about your feelings and desires. Therefore, usually once is not enough, because... while you were telling him your feelings and desires, he had not yet turned on and was busy with his thoughts. - Speak several times in different forms of presenting proposals, focusing on the responses; - Let the offender know that there are boundaries beyond which you are not they intend to let him in; For example: The young man told you that he would call in 1-2 hours. You sit and wait for his call. He only called back in the evening or the next day, and as if nothing had happened, he tries to talk to you, without even explaining why he was silent. If you feel hurt and angry, then be sure to express your feelings, as shown in the previous example. But now you must also tell him about the boundaries: “If next time you promise again and don’t deliver, I will be forced to stop communicating because I do not accept such behavior.” Speak firmly and clearly, this will give you courage and support you. If the offender did not draw conclusions from what you said and did not change his behavior, then there are several reasons for this: a) You spoke unconvincingly; b) He doesn’t respect you and doesn’t value your relationship; c) He is used to the fact that you endlessly forgive him and hopes for the same again. Therefore, you need to keep your word. Why communicate with those who do not value and respect you?