People sometimes sincerely do not understand why, if they pay for the work of a psychologist, they cannot dictate their terms? For example, transfer money when it is convenient for them, and not to a specialist, despite the agreements. Cancel/reschedule meetings at the last minute. Either refuse checks or want them to be provided for the entire period of work. Receive reports from a psychologist about the work done (for example, what topics were covered, what was the result and whether there was progress), when the client and the one who pays are different people. And the client is not a small child. A psychologist provides psychotherapeutic services at the client’s request. The one who pays decides whether to buy these services for the client or not. Whether the conditions suit him or not. The buyer of services is not an employer who hires an employee on his own terms, changing at his discretion. A client comes to a psychologist for services. Either the client and the one who will pay for the services come to the psychologist, and not vice versa. When receiving a service at a hairdresser, at a doctor, or in transport, payment occurs on the terms of the service provider and nothing else. In a store, no one would think of picking up goods without paying. Except perhaps for criminals or young children. And it wouldn’t even occur to you to ask for a report on the work done, especially if you paid for another person. The client himself tells what he considers necessary about himself and his processes to the person who pays for him. In psychotherapy, even more so. It can be difficult for someone who pays, if he is not a client, to resist wanting to get at least something from a psychologist for himself. At least energy and attention. If I pay money, then I should get something. And gratitude from the person for whom the payment is made may clearly not be enough. After all, money goes to one person, and receiving attention from another. There is no direct path in the take-give balance. And it feels like the psychologist owes me something, but for some reason he doesn’t give it to me. Not always and not for everyone, but it’s a fact. In addition, it is not uncommon that the one who pays, in fact, does not want to change the one for whom he pays. But he wants to be good and pay attention to himself. The husband does not want his wife to be healed, the wife does not want her husband to heal. Sister's brother. Brother's sister. And as for children and teenagers who, due to their age, cannot pay for themselves... With deep psychological trauma, long-term therapy is needed. And the results are not immediately visible. What could be the reason for leaving therapy, or stopping payment from the one who pays for the client. The reason for this may also be the fact that changes are visible, but the family system is not ready for this. If you are paying for someone's therapy and it is clearly not easy for you to do so. You want to be an employer of a psychologist, to dictate your terms, which means a lot of personal things rise from the subconscious. And it would be good to figure this out, and in your personal therapy. Elena Denisenko Bravitskaya is a clinical psychologist, integrative approach (online). You can make an appointment with me in private messages on the website, via telegram or WhatsApp +79859942455