HOW I WORK Before I talk about how I work as a psychologist, I want to share my personal experience of turning to psychologists as a client. Once, while talking with a certain lady about a psychological film club, I touched on the topic of personal psychotherapy for psychologists. Among other things, I said that I sought psychological help both before becoming a psychologist and after I entered this profession. I spoke in general terms about the problems that I had addressed and periodically continue to address to my colleagues, to which the lady expressed surprise. She said that she was surprised by how, in her opinion, I speak quite boldly and openly about this, and by the fact that psychologists can generally have some kind of psychological problems. Indeed, the myth about psychologists as some kind of “perfect people” There are people who have successfully resolved their own life difficulties and are able to “teach” this to others. Moreover, among psychologists (both beginners and very experienced) with whom I communicated and with whom I continue to communicate, sometimes there is an idea that in order to confirm the high level of one’s professional status, it is necessary, if not completely, to correspond to such an image of an “expert.” ", then at least support it in every possible way in the eyes of your clients and colleagues. I do not share this idea. In my opinion, it least of all contributes to the establishment of sincere, real trust between the psychologist and the client, which is so necessary for successful psychological work. In this sense, I am closer to the perception of the “psychologist-client” relationship as a relationship of equal partners with different knowledge and skills, as well as different life experiences, and uniting their efforts to achieve a common goal. In my opinion, the experience of personal psychotherapy is very important for a psychologist. Among other things, it allows you to better imagine what it’s like to be a client. In describing my experience of contacting psychologists as a client, I want to focus on how I came to the decision to visit a psychologist, how I searched for the specialist I needed, and how our communication went on consultations. I first turned to a psychologist at the age of 22, when I did not even think about mastering this thankless profession, as it seemed to me then. It seemed to me that “rummaging” through other people’s “troubles” was not the best thing to do. But one day the time came when my own “troubles” became too heavy for me. I remember that my emotional state at that time, due to certain objective reasons related to my physical health, was extremely depressed. Talking to my parents (mainly my mother) did not help me. There were no friends with whom I could share something at that time (my family had only recently moved to Moscow, and I had not yet managed to make new ones, and old friends were far away). I heard something about how this condition seems to be called “depression” and that they are “treated” for it with pills... Or they go to a psychologist. I really wanted to get out of that state, and decided to find a psychologist (I didn’t like the pills at all ).Why a psychologist? At that time it seemed to me that coming to a psychologist was my last chance to find the meaning of my existence, which I no longer saw. I was seriously unwell physically, the treatment was very painful (at times unbearable), I had to endure many restrictions that turned the life of a young man into the meaningless and joyless vegetation of a decrepit old man. I hoped that the psychologist, his professional knowledge, might help me. I really hoped. I wanted to give it a try. I started looking for advertisements in newspapers for psychological help (I did not have access to the Internet). I vaguely remember what criteria I used to choose then. I clearly remember only that the price for one “session” and “walking distance” from the metro were important to me. I found a psychological center with a price of 600 rubles for one hour of consultation (in 2002) and a 5-7 minute walk from the metro.I went...I was met by a middle-aged woman, who, as it turned out later, was a psychologist and director of this center. After listening to my story, she advised me to go for consultations with her male colleague (I’ll call him S.), who also worked at this center. I’ll add that I didn’t have my own ideas about who exactly – a man or a woman – I would be more comfortable communicating with about my problems. So, for the first time in my life, I found myself in consultation with a psychologist. What can I tell you about the experience of that communication ?Our first meeting with S. began with my distrust. I asked in detail about his diplomas, qualifications, and experience as a psychologist. He answered calmly and openly, taking my questions, as it seemed to me, as a matter of course. Internally, I was somewhat worried that he might be offended by such mistrust. But when I saw the opposite, I calmed down. A “light” trust appeared, which allowed me to turn to thoughts about my problems that brought me here. I did not start talking about them right away. All this time S. waited silently, but I felt that in this silence there was attention to me and a willingness to listen. It was precisely this kind of silence that was important for me at that moment, since if I had felt in it, for example, impatience or awkward tension on the part of the psychologist, then my initial trust in S. would have disappeared. Then there were mainly complaints about the inferiority of my existence, to the loneliness in this, to the “evil Rock” and the “injustice of the World.” I remember that S. listened to me attentively, in his rare statements he tried to draw my attention to some, relatively speaking, “positive” aspects of my situation, gave me psychological books to read topics and sometimes directly advised what to do in this or that case. What I liked most was when he listened to me without interrupting, without immediately trying to answer, evaluate, or advise something, as, for example, my mother did. I liked to “free myself” from my difficult, painful thoughts, resentments, anxieties and fears, realizing that I was being listened to and “heard”. This was the most valuable and, I think, the most useful for me. S.’s remarks about “positive” moments did not arouse anger or rejection in me. Perhaps because they were presented to him not as direct instructions (from the category “You see, this is your “plus”), but rather as his personal reflections on the topic discussed between us, in which there was a place for different “points of view.” Books , which I read on S.’s recommendation, were entertaining, but did not have a special impact on me (now I don’t even remember their names). His advice was sporadic. As a result, I did not use any of them. In total there were 5 or 7 consultations (with a frequency of 1 time per week). It is noteworthy that, as far as I remember, there was no “official” end to the series of our meetings. I just stopped coming. Without warning. I have not received any messages on this topic from S. The second time I sought psychological help was at the age of 29. By that time, my life had changed a lot. After a successful operation, my health improved and my quality of life increased. I could already afford a lot of things that were previously strictly prohibited. I had a completed higher education (which took a total of 8 years to obtain, with all the interruptions), some experience in publishing, prospects for mastering a completely new profession for me - the profession of a psychologist. I got married. But I didn’t feel happy, having so much (compared to what I had before)! For many years before that, I “floated with the flow” of my illness, not wanting anything, not striving for anything (even studying at the university was more a way to escape boredom than a purposeful acquisition of the knowledge I needed). My parents bore full responsibility for my life, and I was so used to this that, having long been an adult, I perceived this state of affairs as natural. With some bitterness, I can admit my extreme infantilism at that time. After getting married, I stopped living with my parents. lay on my shouldersresponsibility not only for myself, but also for my new family. Now the fact is obvious to me that I was not truly ready for either one. And if my wife provided me with serious support in family and everyday matters (for which I am sincerely grateful to her to this day), then on the topic of self-realization (both personal and professional) I was at great confusion. Even having decided on the desire to become a psychologist, I was lost in my thoughts about how to achieve this, where to start, whether this is what I really want, what my “path” is in general. I grabbed onto one idea, then another, then several at once, without bringing anything to completion. All this plunged me into prolonged apathy, from which I “escaped” into computer (gaming) addiction. Without the skills to manage my own life, being a psychologically immature person, I was virtually helpless in the face of the “challenges” of a new reality for me. My main “skill,” as it seems to me now, was an unconscious expectation of help from the outside (from my parents, wife, teachers, etc.). I only realized that I felt “bad” and didn’t know “how to live.” With this in mind, I decided to turn to a psychologist. It should be noted that this time the criteria for choosing the specialist I needed were different. Their formation was largely influenced by the fact that I became seriously interested in psychology as an area of ​​my future professional activity. Looking closely at the new profession, I began to read specialized literature (psychological reference books, works of famous psychologists and psychotherapists, various articles on this topic). I wanted to understand: if I want to become a psychologist, then what kind? In the process of choosing the direction of psychology in which I would like to gain professional knowledge and in which to work in the future, I came across a book by the American psychotherapist Carl Ransom Rogers “Counseling and Psychotherapy” (in this work the author talks about his method of client-centered therapy). The book made a deep impression on me. I liked both WHAT was written there and HOW it was presented. I realized that this was mine. I wanted to come with my problem to a specialist who works in a client-centered (also called “person-centered”) approach. There were few such psychologists in Moscow. About each of them, I very carefully collected all the information that was freely available on the Internet. I had at my disposal not only “contact information,” but also photographs, their stories about themselves, articles on various psychological problems, reviews of former clients, mentions of their names in connection with certain social events. I paid (and continue to pay) my attention primarily to the specialist’s photograph and his articles. It was important to me whether I liked the person visually, and what and how he writes (mostly “how”). As a result of the selection, I settled on one candidate. This was a female psychologist (I’ll call her N.) with extensive experience in working in a client-centered approach, who has her own private practice. One hour of her consultation cost 2,000 rubles (at that time quite a lot of money for me). I called the phone number indicated on the website, and we agreed to meet. At the first consultation, N. suggested concluding an oral contract (agreement), according to which we had to jointly determine a day and time convenient for both of us for weekly meetings, terms of payment, conditions cancellation of each specific consultation (if necessary) and the conditions for completing our meetings. I remember I was outraged by the condition according to which I had to fully pay for the meeting I missed (for any reason) if I did not notify about my intending to miss it. This condition seemed unfair to me (what if unforeseen circumstances?). In addition, another condition caused me some concern: if I want to complete our meetings, I must attendtwo more final consultations (why? why two?). I was perplexed about him. I expressed all this to N. I was surprised by how calmly and even kindly (!) she accepted my claims. To be honest, until this moment in everyday communication I was accustomed to a different reaction of people in such situations - resentment, indignation, hostility, anger, indifference. Here, in the conditions of a consultative meeting, everything was different! Internally I was preparing for “protection”, but it was not needed! My “negative” feelings were accepted without “negativity” being reciprocated! It was really quite amazing. We discussed all the issues that worried me, without putting it off the table. At the same time, I felt that I was UNDERSTOOD and ACCEPTED both in my indignation and anxiety. This made it possible to more objectively, without a “protection factor,” consider N.’s arguments regarding the necessity of the terms of our contract. As a result, I consciously agreed with them and voluntarily accepted my part of the responsibility for their implementation. It must be said that my funds allocated for consultations with N. were limited. I calculated that they would only be enough for 10 meetings. In this regard, I asked N. how many meetings we would need. She replied that at least five, and then it will be clear to both of us whether they need to be continued or can be completed. This answer reassured me somewhat (financially I was within the preliminary “budget”). In fact, it took me 4 meetings (including the very first) just to get used to the format of our communication with N., to feel safe enough to start talk about the most personal and intimate things. Each meeting began with me sitting in a chair opposite N. and thinking about where to start. She was silent, while showing with all her appearance that she was ready to listen to me. This was unusual. I, too, could remain silent, or I could immediately speak on absolutely any topic. N. just listened and sometimes said something, clarifying whether she understood me correctly, expressing her thoughts and feelings about what I was saying. Gradually I got used to the fact that it was I, Igor Bakai, who was the “leader” of our communication. and N. seems to “accompany” me. And somehow it turned out that no matter what I talked about, N., with her unobtrusive statements, led me to think about myself, about what worries, frightens, and torments me. I trusted my “companion” in the person of N. more and more, with every “common step” we took, discovering and exploring myself as I really am. Often the continuation of the “journey” was very frightening and painful, but N. helped me “stay on the path.” Now I can say with all confidence that my exploration of myself (who I really am; what I want; what are my capabilities) It started only after 4-5 meetings with N. (that is, almost a month later). With each new meeting, I noted a positive change in my emotional state. Confusion, self-doubt, and apathy gradually went away. By about the 8th or 9th meeting, it seemed to me that I had gotten out of the “crisis”, I knew what and how I wanted, I knew how to live further. It seemed to me... Looking ahead, I will say - already 3-4 months after that, As I completed my consultations with N., everything that I thought I had overcome returned with a new, even greater force. In total, if my memory serves me correctly, there were 10 meetings. The closer the time for the 10th meeting approached, the more my internal anxiety grew that the money to pay for consultations was running out and something had to be decided. I didn’t want to allocate additional money from my “budget” (I was frankly sorry, because anyway, I thought, I had to pay a rather large amount). I preferred to deceive (as I now understand) myself that “everything is fine” with me and I can finish the consultations... I think then I hurried to leave. Now I remember with regret that I did not dare to discuss my “money problem” with N. Perhaps it would not have changed anything, and I would still have left after 10 meetings. However, it seems to me that my departure would have been moreconscious, without illusions on the topic “Everything is OK with me,” disappointment in which subsequently strengthened the returning apathy. I returned to the issue of personal psychotherapy for the third time about six months after consultations with N. While studying Rogers’ client-centered approach, I I learned about the existence of psychotherapeutic “encounter groups”, or “meeting groups”, in which people engage in personal therapy in a group format. In searching for such a group, I followed the same path as in the case of searching for a psychologist. Among the advantages of participating in a psychotherapeutic group I can immediately name a lower cost compared to the cost of the services of an individual psychologist-consultant. In the group that I found, the price for participation in a 2-hour weekly meeting was 1000 rubles. Among the obvious disadvantages is the need to discuss your personal problems, as they say, “in public.” Before attending my first group meeting, I went through an interview with one of her co-hosts. They asked me how I found information about the group, what problems I was addressing. I remember the first meeting because I behaved in an emphatically “open” and “friendly” manner. Before the start of the group, I personally greeted almost each of the participants, and during the meeting I willingly talked about myself, although in ordinary life such behavior is not at all typical for me. I was, so to speak, “aggressively sociable.” Remembering that first meeting, I now understand that behind such unnatural behavior for me (in an unfamiliar environment, with unfamiliar people), I was unconsciously trying to hide my fear of appearing lonely in front of other participants, a closed, insecure person (which he really was). It was a defense, an attempt to hide behind a “mask of well-being.” I must say, the “mask of well-being” was on me with varying degrees of severity for another six months of visiting the group, until I finally got the hang of it. And all this time I was actually not even close to finally starting serious work on myself with the help of a psychotherapeutic group. As in the case of N., it took me some time just to get used to the new conditions for me. In general, in my opinion, the duration of psychotherapy for each specific person (client) is a very individual thing. Some people achieve noticeable success in working on themselves in a relatively short time (5-7 meetings), while others need much more time (months or even years). I think this is natural, because everyone is different. The important thing is whether a person can realize and, more importantly, consciously accept his individual “rhythm” of personal changes. I doubt that anyone consciously wants to go to a psychologist for a long and expensive time. However, in my opinion, it is not always possible to achieve serious, deep and lasting positive changes in yourself and your life using the possibilities of short-term psychotherapy. In my case, I “experimentally” came to the understanding that for sustainable positive personal changes I need to it usually takes a lot of time. I call this “living through changes.” At the time of writing this article, my experience in group psychotherapy as a client is close to 2 years of weekly (with short breaks) meetings. This is my longest “client” experience, perhaps worthy of separate consideration. I might add that during this entire time I considered leaving the group several times. The only thing that stopped me was the reluctance to miss the opportunity that unexpectedly arose (always just before leaving) to explore myself and my problems at a deeper level. Concluding the description of my personal experience of seeking psychological help, I don’t know whether it will be useful for anyone. My main motive for telling about it was the desire to somehow help those who are thinking about the question: “Is it worth going to a psychologist?” And what can I do for those who have already answered this question positively? Obviously, I can describe what how everything happens onmy consultations, what I see as my task as a psychologist-consultant, what I expect from my client. In order to use my services, you must first contact me in one of two ways (call or write an email) and agree on the place and time of the first meeting (initial consultation). In both cases, I ask you to briefly, in a few sentences, describe the situation with which the person is seeking help. A too long presentation of the problem situation is unnecessary, since the time of the initial consultation, which is paid, is allocated for details. In addition, a concise, “concentrated” presentation of the situation helps a person concentrate on it, think about what he wants in connection with it, and what kind of help he expects from a psychologist. The first meeting is an introduction. I get to know the person who contacts me, with the details of his problem situation, in turn, he has the opportunity to get to know me, how I work. Is this person my client from the first meeting? No, he is not. For this purpose it is necessary to conclude a contract (oral) with me for psychological services. The contract includes the following points: Meetings (consultations) must be regular, once a week. The place and time of meetings are approved in advance by a mutual decision of the psychologist and the client and are unchanged (if necessary, they can be changed with mutual consent of the psychologist and the client). The client has the right to skip the next meeting (consultation) with the psychologist by notifying the psychologist at least 2 days in advance days before the time of the meeting. If the client misses the next meeting (consultation) with less than 2 days’ notice or without warning, the cost of the missed meeting (consultation) is paid by the client in full (100%). If the client has a desire to complete meetings (consultations) with a psychologist, he (the client) undertakes to attend 2 more final meetings (consultations). As a rule, I talk about the terms of this contract at the very beginning of the first meeting. A person can immediately conclude a contract with me and become my client, or he can take time to think (for example, depending on the results of the initial consultation). Most often, the last three clauses of the contract raise questions. Their content is associated with such a concept as “psychological resistance.” The fact is that during psychological work very personal, deep, intimate topics can be touched upon, which are not easy to deal with, often quite painful for the client, but without elaboration of which serious changes in the client’s situation may be unlikely. It is in connection with such “painful moments” that the client may have a desire to skip the next meeting, reschedule it, or end meetings with the psychologist completely. This is how psychological resistance can manifest itself, on the one hand, protecting a person from unpleasant (sometimes even painful) experiences, and on the other hand, preventing the achievement of long-term serious results. It should be noted that psychological resistance can be very diverse in its manifestations, starting with a complete misunderstanding the client of “what, strictly speaking, this psychologist wants from me,” and ending with the emergence in the client’s life of such circumstances that “objectively” prevent him from coming to a meeting (up to physical injuries as a result, for example, of an accident, unknowingly provoked by himself client). In this regard, the presence of the above-mentioned points in the contract seems to me to be a necessary measure aimed at identifying the client’s resistance for the purpose of its further consideration and possible constructive use in psychological work. After discussing the issue of the contract, the remaining time of the meeting belongs to the person who contacted me and his situation. He can tell me about his problem, he can remain silent, he can ask me any questions. I give him the opportunity to be 12.08.2011