From the author: We tend to blame others for our misfortunes, but what have we actually done ourselves? Walking around the city and peering into the faces of passers-by, you can notice a rich variety of emotions: fatigue, disappointment, anxiety, sadness, sadness, sometimes joy, calmness or satisfaction. It is very pleasant to look at happy faces, and then a kind of solidarity feeling of sublimity and awareness of the beauty of human feelings appears inside, everything around seems bright, colorful, full of harmony and meaning. However, seeing such faces is like gifts that you don’t receive often. And the question arises: Why? What prevents people from being happy and filling themselves with something pleasant, bright, and kind? Many people believe that in order to become happy, you need to be born “in a shirt” or under a “lucky star.” Is it so? Is everything in the hands of fate or does something depend on us? Of course, we want to shift responsibility for our actions to external circumstances, character, horoscope and other “otherworldly” forces. Therefore, we often don’t notice how much we do to ruin our lives. For some, it takes their best years. True, then they complain: “Why do I have such misfortunes?” So, one day a pretty woman of about forty came to see me, with a dull look and fatigue on her face. She talked for a long time about how hard it was for her to bear the “burden” that she had taken upon herself, since she had to provide financially for her family and parents. Her husband was constantly looking for work, unable to find a suitable activity that satisfied his needs. Therefore, he dealt with economic issues around the house, which he dealt with very successfully. She spoke about her relationship with her husband with noticeable irritation and resentment. And at the end she proudly declared: “I did everything to ruin my husband’s life!” Of course, she succeeded, but she suffered no less! By the way, later, during the consultation, it turned out that she did this completely in vain. This is just one example out of a thousand when people spoil their relationships with each other year after year and cannot find happiness. But it is nearby, you just need to notice it. Of course, this is impossible if we focus on the shortcomings of others. Then the advantages seem blurred and insignificant. Sometimes we envy when we see spouses talking sweetly, giving each other gifts, walking together, relaxing. The thought creeps in: “You’re lucky! And I have…". But what is stopping you from communicating like this? What have you done to make your relationship satisfying? Maybe you also made some contribution to the split in your family, did something, somehow influenced your life partner in such a way that he lost interest and even respect for you? Most likely this is so, since in any conflict there is responsibility on both sides, but it is difficult to admit this even to yourself. So what do you need to do to become unhappy in your marriage? It turned out that for this there are certain “rules” of behavior, an appropriate way of thinking. Think: how many of the points listed below have you managed to apply in your life: 1. Try to “remake” your partner in accordance with your principles, ideals, and worldview. Achieve ideal behavior; 2. If you were hurt, take revenge. Say everything that’s on your tongue and more; 3. Take kindness and attention for granted, because he is obliged to do this for you. Do not praise or thank under any circumstances! 4. Feel free to criticize for shortcomings. Don't forget a single detail. Use labels like: “idiot”, “stupid”, etc. Try to hurt his dignity as much as possible; 5. Make decisions without taking into account the interests of your spouse, so that he does not think that his opinion is of any significance; 6. Get your way loudly and persistently; 7. Do not give in under any circumstances. Insist on your own, especially if you understand that you are wrong; 8. Remember: the shortcomings of a marriage partner should.