Every Thursday I go to personal therapy. When leaving the subway I take coffee with me. One day I was greeted by a new barista. ⁃ “Cappuccino with almond syrup, please” ⁃ “This is boring,” said the barista. “Try the lychee!” ⁃ "No. I will be Almond” Every day we come into contact with other people and receive a lot of feedback. One fills us if it reflects reality and is brought into contact carefully, caringly, sympathetically. The other, on the contrary, can take away strength if it contains an assessment. It contains a negative charged message - anger, resentment, irritation, expectation. What is the difference between: ⁃ “It's boring, try lychee” And ⁃ “You like almond. It is tasty. Would you like to try something else?” In the first case, the person gives an assessment, that is, devalues, introduces his unappropriated feelings. Perhaps he is angry, offended or irritated by routine, work or something else. That is, his words speak more about himself than about me. For me, choosing almond syrup is taking care of myself, understanding what I want here and now. What I like. It’s familiar, which means it’s pleasant. Not a way to diversify something. That is, in communicating with me, the barista did not see my need, but at the same time placed his own. Secondly, a reflection of reality is given. Conditional: You like it, I noticed. And I prefer something unusual. Would you like to diversify your choice?! I can offer options. There is recognition of human value here. Caring attitude. And the contribution is visible, the desire to exchange something meaningful. How to react to an invasion? 1. Communicate feelings: “I’m unpleasant, I’m upset..” 2. Return responsibility: “I like it this way, it’s my choice, I can handle it myself.” 3. Talk about your needs: “There is your idea, there is mine. It doesn't match. It happens. I trust myself.” It happens when you speak openly, without judgment, but your no is ignored. Then you can temporarily interrupt contact, because a lot of resources will be spent on withstanding other people’s feelings and living your own. “I don’t want to talk about this”, “Let’s finish the conversation”, “That’s enough for today”, etc. It’s natural to see your limitations and not push yourself to the limit. If you don't know what to do or what to say, take a time out. Be with your feelings, thoughts and sensations. Realize and live them. Restore the resource, from a new filled state it will be easier for you to resolve the situation. There can be many options for responding to an invasion. It is important to feel for yourself: what are my resources? What is the value of a contact? How will I feel afterwards? Can I cope with these feelings? What will help me with this? *I write about variability because everyone is at a certain level of awareness of their feelings and reactions, has their own needs and deficits, opportunities and limitations. And by exploring them, he can find the one that’s right for himself here and now. Come to me for a consultation, if you feel an internal response and resonance, I’ll be happy to help. 89168016009 And also subscribe to the Telegram channel, a territory of comfortable and safe communication, where you: can talk about yourself and about your feelings and be heard. You will feel supported and cared for. You will also find your own answers to the questions that concern you..