A client inspired me to write this article with her question: “How to take care of your inner girl?” “Become your own good mother” was my answer. But these are just words, how can you be a good mother for yourself if you didn’t have a “good enough mother”. You have to look for this mother in the outside world indiscriminately, “placing your inner girl on anyone’s lap.” The parent’s task is to create favorable conditions for the child’s physical and mental development. When a mother is caring, responds to the child’s needs, understands them, names them for the child, is tolerant, forgiving, can support and withstand the child’s feelings, she does not expect achievements from the child that exceed his capabilities. She has the resource to support him in weakness and infirmity. She understands that the child is small and depends on her, because she is the whole world for him. For the mother, it is desirable to support the child at every stage of development, so that the child successfully solves his age-related problems, because what a child needs at one year old is not the same thing , what a child needs at 6 years old. Most needs remain unsatisfied, and they do not disappear anywhere, but go into the unconscious and wait for the opportunity to manifest themselves. This is how a structure is formed that we call the Inner Child - that part of the human psyche that contains the experience (in the broad sense of the word) gained in childhood and the perinatal (intrauterine) period. This experience includes emotions and feelings, bodily experiences, behavior and images, needs and motivation. He does not disappear anywhere, but continues to “live” in the psyche of an adult and influence his emotional state today. Most of the psychotherapeutic work goes into discovering the Inner Child and specific situations in which he suffered, accepting the experience that he has there is. There is also the “Inner Parent” structure. This is the image of a real parent (mom or dad) who was in childhood. Whether this “mom” will be demanding, uncaring or caring and supportive depends on the examples we saw in childhood: if the real mother was oppressive, then the “inner mother” can be very cruel and demanding, exhausting and critical. In essence, there is such a tyrannical figure living in a person. And having such a “mother” in your inner world, it is not clear how to be a good, kind mother for yourself…. After all, there was no relevant experience. Childhood is over, but in the inner world a small child and a large, tyrannical, critical figure continue to live, who opposes him, regardless of his needs and needs. And perhaps the real mother is no longer around, but the “inner mother” continues to reign in the inner world. Therapy is to discover the Inner Child and give him permission to Be, Live, listening to his feelings, so that he feels support, care, caring attitude towards your feelings and needs. I realized that what was happening to him was normal, and not shameful or bad. And protect him from the tyrannical figure who reigns in the inner world, and in essence deprive her of parental rights. Where to start? The first thing we will do in relation to ourselves is to notice what is happening to me now? We learn to understand ourselves. What do you want? And give it to yourself or take it where they give it. That you can feel, make mistakes, not want, want, be imperfect, experience fear. The child needs an Adult to tell him about this. In therapy, such an Adult is the therapist. The therapist becomes that “good mother”, which you can later appropriate and be your own good mother. More articles on my website http://www.butsovskaya.com