From the author: What is a midlife crisis? How does it affect work and family life? The answers to these and other questions are in the material. You begin to regularly get irritated for any reason, diligently look for imperfections and shortcomings in those around you, and at the same time begin to consider yourself worthless and meaningless in this world. There is emptiness inside, no strength, no desires (except for one thing - to be left alone), your eyes are dim... Or this: you begin to toss, old, long-forgotten dreams awaken, new extreme hobbies appear. The demon is disturbing your “rib”. You want dissonance, thrills. You feel cramped and uninterested in your current role. You want to become different!.. The combination of these two differently directed attitudes carries clear signs of a midlife crisis. And this can begin with a careless assessment of your professional growth by someone close to you, or your own comparison of personal and professional successes and failures, with a sudden an attack of hysteria (which was previously unusual for you) from an office romance that is destructive for your career and family. And then a lot depends on whether a person has that very rear in case of such a crisis: real friends, a second bottom in your favorite business, from where you will get additional energy, or a hobby saved for a “rainy day” that can turn into something the most favorite thing. Very often at such moments, the family plays an invaluable role as a stabilizer and energy booster - understanding and accepting... So, you have a midlife crisis. This usually happens between the ages of 30 and 45 and is expressed in a reassessment of values, a change in life priorities, and sometimes in the complete rejection of the entire previous way of life. At the same time, it often becomes “excruciatingly painful for the years spent aimlessly,” and the soul is gloomy because that there is no clear space ahead. And a state of oppressive and anxious uncertainty is created, when what served as a support in the past has already been destroyed, the present is unsteady, and the future is hopeless or foggy. Where to go? For what? With whom? All these questions haunt us and, without an answer, they deprive us of the desire to move forward. When a client and I are working through this state, the first thing I do is ask a very simple question, which is usually not on the list of this crisis state. HOW? How do you want to live further? How will you overcome your current condition? Do you confuse your love for a boring job or your spouse with the fear of not being in demand, of loneliness? How will you take the first step towards a new life? And one has only to ask these questions, and it begins to become clearer WHERE, and WHY, and - WITH WHOM! Tatyana I. And for me it is very important to understand why I need all this? What is the most important task? Believe me, when status became an end in itself for me, I felt that there was a stop in self-development. And lately I even began to contrast such concepts as Success and Happiness. But when I cooled down to Success, Happiness disappeared too. I realized that Happiness does not come from money, but what does it mean? I don’t want to take on the unusual role of a preacher and call you to altruism or missionary work. But still, I believe that everyone should strive to break out of the framework of everyday life, to rise above the frailty of existence and thereby join something Higher (for some it is the Divine, for others it is missionary work in the name of humanity, for someone's energy of the Universe). Do this at least for your own health and rejuvenation... Yes, I didn’t make a mistake. This is possible without medication and surgical intervention! The man saw that the opportunities given to him were not used, many things had already become “too late” for him, he was already completely entangled in responsibilities, obligations and debts to his family, profession, habits... But he still has not found himself! It turns out that the previous, global role was not his, or was performed by him incorrectly. And then the question arises: is it necessary to finish playing a play that is boring and has a joyless ending? Should I change the genre orpartners giving the wrong lines? And often there is a desire to start everything from scratch, to rewrite the further action, to fill the role with life, another life. But this requires strength and desire for improvement, a new plan, otherwise there is a risk of leaving everything as it is and mechanically dragging yourself to the finale, or interrupting your performance , since there is no more meaning in this... A crisis, a loss of the meaning of life, when an emptiness appears in the soul that there is nothing to fill - this is really very serious! What is the meaning of life? The famous philosopher and psychologist Viktor Frankl believed that “meaning is what , what is meant: by the person who asks the question, or by the situation, which also implies a question that requires an answer.” Therefore, meaning is what connects the goal and the motive behind it. And when there is a coincidence between the goal and the motive (the object of need), then the person comes out of the impasse and begins to act. And the main problem here, in scientific terms, is the deprivation of motive, or, more simply, it is when our goals are set incorrectly, there is no agreement with the world and with myself. It is significant that the higher the level of development of a person’s psyche, the higher the level of his needs craves for satisfaction. And then selfish motives, and motives of pleasure and entertainment are not essential for a full connection with the world. A hedonistic personality, directing its interests to itself, gradually saws down the branch of the tree of life on which it is located. And if at the first stage it dries out and stops growing, then it breaks off later. And that same BUMP happens! Global! Crisis! Loss of meaning often leads to various biochemical and adrenaline addictions - alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, etc. According to Frankl, “... an exaggerated craving for pleasure can be traced to its source - the frustration of another, more fundamental motive.” This means that the goal should be significant not only for us, but also for others? Ask yourself: “if I start all over again, will someone feel worse with me, will I cause him harm”? And if your thoughts... for a long time could not find the “right” word, and finally found them... harmless (at least!) - act! But you and I have a significant goal. I have to help you, you have to help yourself (for starters). And to help yourself, you need to know not only why, but also how! You need to know what you want to receive and what you can give! You can find meaning only in searching for yourself, realizing your ideas, talents, opportunities! And whoever seeks will always find! In general, do not forget that appetite comes while eating! What psychological chains usually prevent us from moving forward in a new way? One of them is anger at someone, resentment towards the world. Moreover, we may often not realize this and forget. But our subconscious mind remembers this and gives it away, either in the form of seemingly causeless anxiety, or an inadequate response to “trifling” problems. How to get rid of this? You need to forgive everyone for all the evil done to you. Difficult?! I know! But if you do this, what a relief you will feel! You will part with the burden of an unpleasant past. And the main thing is that in the present you will perceive differently what previously seemed offensive and humiliating. Will you be offended if someone calls you one-legged, despite the fact that you have two legs? I think that this will make you a smile or the thought that it would be advisable for your opponent to see a psychiatrist or ophthalmologist. Why didn’t this offend you? Because you know your strengths and it is difficult to convince you of what is obvious. But when we are persuaded by “friends” or some person who enjoys your trust and respect, you can change your opinion about yourself both for the better and for the worse. And as long as you have negative attitudes towards yourself, you will experience discomfort, which will only increase. In order for positivity to enter you, you need to cleanse yourself of negativity. Work through your negative attitudes. Task: What don’t you like about yourself yet? (fill in 10 points in the table); Three memorable failures in my life (where, when,what);What do you like about yourself? What am I proud of? (fill in 15 points); Three memorable achievements in my life (where, when, what). After completing the task, you need to analyze: What was common in all situations? What personal qualities attracted failures? What did I feel, think about myself in these situations? What useful conclusions did you draw? Identifying negative programs and replacing them with positive ones. Fill out the table. Work to strengthen your own energy Actually, there is no need to specifically strengthen your vital energy; our energy resources are more than enough for successful functioning. It’s just that there are blocks inside everyone that interfere with the normal circulation of life force within us and which we need to learn to remove. Why do I say this? You probably know cases (and I was both a participant and a witness to such events) when a person did the seemingly impossible . For example, before my eyes, a fragile woman, saving a baby, threw away a block of a rickety concrete fence falling on him. The boy, running away from the enraged dog, easily jumped onto the roof of the garage. So, we can do it if we want!? Or if “life” forces you? Yes, miracles are possible in an extreme situation, you say. Well, I’ll object to you: I had to observe completely different reactions of people in an extreme situation, when fear paralyzed and made them helpless. The man became numb, like a rabbit under the gaze of a boa constrictor, or fell into a panic. Moreover, more often it was just like that. The usual reaction of a suddenly fired diligent employee is an energetic stupor or ineffective frantic activity. Why ineffective? Because internal panic pushes you to make mistakes and reckless steps. Is it possible to achieve harmony and learn to manage your energy in a situation where your career or family happiness is collapsing? It is possible! How? Let's figure it out. Is there a difference for you between personal and professional? Unfortunately, many become so immersed in their work that when they talk about personal happiness, they mean a career. And this dependence leads to the creation of excess energy potential of the Work, into which your personal energy is poured. This means that the destruction of your career automatically destroys you. But if your boat has a hole or a leak and you can't fix it, why go down with the boat? After all, no one handcuffed you to this boat. Yes, you once felt good, you could sail to different interesting places, you became attached to her. But still, a boat is a profitable business, but you, your health, are more valuable. Isn’t that right? Remember the postulate: a healthy mind in a healthy body? And what comes first: the spirit or the body? Where does the process of self-destruction or, conversely, healing begin: from the spirit or from the body? So, it is the strength of the spirit, the focused vital force that helps preserve and improve your body. The first thing you need to do is create energy protection - strengthen or restore the energy shell. If there are holes, then energy 'leaks' out of you through them. How do these same holes appear? This is the result of our conflicts with the outside world, with people - near and far. We lose in some situations, we lose something, and then that same energy hole appears, which the majority do not know how to close, but on the contrary, pours salt into the wound and wishes for even more pain... Since a person is on the one hand a system, on the other, only a particle space, it can be compared with the same system and at the same time with the cosmic part. This is our Mother Earth. So it has a protective shell that preserves all living things. But it is constantly exposed to destructive influences both from outside and from within. I won’t bore you with a description of these destructive factors; I’m sure you’ve read and heard a lot about it. But let’s dwell on the human energy system in more detail. An effective way to free yourself from negative internal energy is to forgive our enemies, especially if they live side by side with you. The grievances and suffering that were caused to us must come out of us and remain in the past. But many carry them within themselves as parasites, a whip to torture, notletting the wound heal and regularly tearing off the crust, adding salt there. A person has two alternatives: growth, moving forward, or “drying out,” stopping and moving backward. What happens to a river when its flow stops? That’s right, the water becomes swamped and begins to rot! What if the tree stops growing taller or wider? Well, in general, it’s clear... For me, for many years now, those who have been unfair to me, who have caused me trouble, have been teachers, teachers of life. (I wanted to write “evil”, but I realized that now, with the passage of time, I perceive their actions more as “good”). They taught me to be more demanding of myself, pointed out to me my weaknesses and shortcomings. They forced me to become better, more perfect! And when I decided to make one of the evenings an evening of forgiveness and began to remember all these people: living and already dead, it was very easy for me to forgive them. I didn’t feel evil towards them, rather interest, and for some even gratitude. Now, as for the body. Let's work on its energy right now. Gather yourself: sit upright, chin raised, shoulders straightened, spine elastic and taut, like a string, legs apart, hands resting on your knees. Now feel your state and describe the emotions and images that accompany it. Remember (!) this feeling. Now relax: sit with your chin down, your shoulders down, your spine bent or twisted, your feet turned inward, your arms hanging limply or clasped in a death grip. Do you feel the difference?! Memorizing this state is contraindicated! In the first case, our body is open. The energy of the surrounding world flows into it. A person, like a sponge, is imbued with it. And it becomes stronger! In the second case, we close ourselves off from the world, our energy becomes looped and gradually fades away. I think it’s already clear what’s happening to our strength... But that’s not all. We usually close down under the influence of stress, falling into depression. But stress consumes our energy, and its emissions clog and block internal energy flows. Hence the so-called psychosomatics, and, to put it simply, a bouquet of diseases. And as a result: energy exhaustion and illness. Where it is thin, it breaks. The predator usually chooses the weakest individual in the herd as its victim... We get energy from acute sensations, sports competitions (especially if “ours” win), and from communication with age-old wisdom, culture, art (individually or in a mass entertainment format). Communication with good people recharges us. And a very strong charge comes from self-awareness, when everything inside us is structured and normalized. And then we control the energy flows and force them to set our thoughts and body in motion. This is similar to the operation of a hydroelectric power station, where they generate, accumulate energy and direct it to creative purposes. Now about the regime. The morning should begin with exercise. Yes, yes, from charging! Only with special charging. Charge yourself with positivity! Of course, it’s good if this is combined with physical exercise. But I know that few people do this: there are no conditions, time, etc. Therefore, let sports coaches take care of your body. My business is your spirit, soul. How to do this positive energy exercise? While still lying in bed, you ask yourself the first question: What good will I do for myself today? Imagine the coming day, your activities, meetings, and answer yourself. When you answer the first question, answer the second. And the second question will be: What good will I do for others today? In the evening, you need to relax. But already a discharge of negativity. How to do negative energy discharge? Mentally go through all the events of the past day. If there were any mistakes or problems, tell yourself: “This has already happened,” “freeze” this situation by taking a picture of the frozen faces that surrounded you at that moment, and move them to the lower left corner. There is a stack of similar images. After this, summing up the positive results of the day. You must find at least five of your achievements over the past period.