Hello. I think the following thought. Often we can hear from family and friends what is called “gaslighting”. Phrases such as: “Are you stupid”; “actually this is not so, but like this”; “You’re getting it all wrong”; “there was nothing like that, you made it all up”; “no one offended you, you came up with it”; etc. In any case, this often happens to me, especially at the moment when I cease to be a usual resource for loved ones and begin to take care of my own interests, and not habitually please in favor of loved ones. And it can be very difficult at this moment, hearing accusations that that I’m stupid and understand everything wrong, stay with my opinion and continue to believe my feelings, and not what a close and dear person says. It’s not easy to stay on your side and discern where the truth is. Despite the fact that each of us has our own “zones of imperfection”, “unprocessed problems”, and I too - and I often begin to hesitate, what if someone close to me is right, and I need look for imperfections in yourself, and that this does not mean that your loved one is manipulating. What if I really misunderstand? And so I think that the criterion for choosing in this case between my truth and the words of a loved one may be long-term consequences. I mean the biblical words: 7:16. By their fruits you will know them. Do they gather grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?7:17. So every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. (c) Gospel of Matthew This means that I look at my life and the life of a loved one: what has each of us achieved? Did my loved one solve his age-related problems better than I did? does he have healthy children? strong relationships, family? strong friendship? material wealth, your own house/apartment? his own business that interests him? freedom to manage your time? How happy and satisfied is he with his life? After all, in order to solve all these complex problems, we need to be useful to many different people and, most importantly, strangers who immediately feel our manipulations and our position in relation to them, and accordingly react instantly. Only with loved ones can we be successful in manipulation, since we have deeply studied their pain points. But you can’t deceive strangers, they are not so deeply involved in us and immediately see what’s what. And if things are better in my life, it means that my truth is closer to reality and produces tastier fruits in the long run. Although I’m not ideal. When my loved ones call me stupid (and this often happens, I have “toxic parents” like everyone else), I feel offended, and I think: hmm, I’m a candidate of sciences, I’ve published so many scientific papers, from I’m just a handshake away from any specialist, I earned an apartment in Moscow at the age of 22, I’m getting my third education - and what has my loved one achieved in the field of intelligence? And if I’m stupid, then I wouldn’t refuse to live in a world as stupid as me. I don’t say this out loud so as not to offend my loved one and preserve the relationship - and at the same time, it is important for me to figure out where my truth is in order to rely on myself. And this reconciles me with the fact that I am stupid and with the manipulation of my dear loved ones .) Now I know how to do everything: love a woman, and write poetry, and speak the truth, and not offend a mother and little child. But only a life later. (c) Igor Byalsky How do you like this look??