Using one situation today, I want to show you how thinking errors affect not only a person’s mood and self-esteem, but also his relationships with others. I posted an advertising post on one of the social networks, where I outlined my areas of competence, adding that I do not work with people with chemical dependencies (drug addiction, alcoholism). There was a user who decided to leave a comment under the post with approximately the following content: “If you don’t work with drug addicts, go study! And anyway, what kind of woman is a psychologist? No one takes you seriously!” It is clear that the person’s goal was to humiliate me by pointing out my lack of competence and devaluing professional opportunities based on my gender. And, as a rule, the one who seeks to humiliate is the one who feels himself humiliated. In the book “Overcoming Resistance in Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy” by Robert Leahy, the thought resonated with me: the client will try to make you feel the same way that he felt in his relationship with his parents." And not only the client, of course. Indeed, I had to deal with such a phenomenon in working with some clients who were abused as children. In the transference, they treat you the same way they treated them if they do not have enough empathy. Why did this commentator react this way to the fact that I do not work with people who have chemical problems? addiction? Apparently, having a drug addiction himself, the individual was offended that I would not work with him. Note: with him, and not with his problem. That is, firstly, he does not separate his personality from his problem! (if drug addiction is bad, then he is bad), and secondly, he decided that I was discriminating against drug addicts, that is, he took my remark as a personal insult and rejection. Then the person rationalizes and explains to himself what he read in order to sweeten the bitterness. pill of cognitive distortions, like my incompetence, and passes on to the individual. The reactions show insufficient control over impulses - this is when a person, if he does not agree with something, for example, does not try to understand, but immediately goes into aggression and acting out. As a result, the commentator had a “storm in a teacup,” as they say. He thought up something for me that wasn’t there, extracted only negative things from the message for himself, without thinking about what positive aspects there were in it, and labeled me, like all women in general, that a woman should not be taken seriously as a professional. It is not surprising that such a reaction gives rise to many problems in a person’s life, and most importantly, he drives himself into distress with his thoughts. How do I feel about such statements? To begin with, I don’t try everything that is said on myself and automatically analyze the incoming information. What I described now in the article took a maximum of a minute in my thoughts. I am also guided by the rights of an assertive person. I will give some of them. 1. I have the right to express my opinion. 2. I have the right to say: “I don’t know.” 3. I have the right not to make excuses about my decisions. 4. I have the right not to do what I don’t want. Of course, these rules work within the framework of the law and if you are a free enough person internally to afford it. More useful information and communication in my telegram channel. I would be glad to subscribe 😉 https://t.me/burkova_psy Respect copyright in accordance with Art. 146 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation ©