Many people, when they are not happy with something in a relationship, first endure, endure, endure, and then bang and explode. And this gradually kills all the love and joy in the relationship. Now I'll tell you why. There is something missing in your relationship: love, attention, compliments. Or, on the contrary, another person often puts pressure on you, accuses you, teaches you how to live. And in order to tell him exactly at that moment and immediately that something is unpleasant for you, you begin to endure. All this accumulates and you express it to him in the form of a complaint. How does he react? There are 2 options here: Option 1. He begins to be good for a while and do as you say, so that you just calm down. But, as you understand, it doesn’t last long. Option 2. He begins to defend himself and attacks you with retaliatory aggression, accuses you, recalls your past mistakes and failures. What do you think is the problem here? Yes, it’s that you don’t talk about what doesn’t suit you in the current moment, you’re still irritated has not accumulated inside you so strongly that you are unable to contain it. The second problem is the form in which you speak. If you speak with pressure or pressure, how do you think the other person will react? Yes, defense or attack. Well, do you like it when people put pressure on you or blame you? How do you want to react when pressure is applied to you? It’s the same for someone else when you start putting pressure on him or demanding something. That is, you have two strategies of behavior that don’t work: 1. Be silent and accumulate irritation.⠀2. Press and explode when there is a lot of irritation. But there is a third option that will be much more effective in getting what you want from the other. Just don’t think that this is some kind of magic phrase that you say once and the other person will behave differently. This method should be used constantly when you want to tell another person about something that bothers you or doesn’t suit you. Just don’t use it as pressure or manipulation. Your tone of voice should be warm, and you yourself should be in a calm state. When you speak, a person should feel: “You are important to me, the relationship with you is important.” An example of this phrase: ⠀⠀ “You know, I’m very offended and unpleasant here, painful or uncomfortable when you say such and such Tell me what you think or feel about this?” We use “I - messages” here. That is, we talk about ourselves, and not about how the other person is ungrateful, inattentive or unromantic. You talk about yourself, about your weak points, you open up so that someone else can take care of you, not because you have to, but because you want to. PS If you want to learn how to communicate so that the other person not only listens to you, but also hears you, you have the opportunity to sign up for online consultations with me.