“Nobody will love you like I do” “I forbid you this only for the sake of our relationship” “Give up this nonsense, better take care of your family and our relationships” Recently, the topic of physical violence in families has become quite widespread covered in the media and social networks. Society is finally thinking that violence within the family, beatings, bullying is not “it’s your own fault” and it’s not “they’ll figure it out on their own, they’re family.” But if physical violence manifests itself clearly and it’s impossible not to notice it in relation to oneself, then emotional violence is not always seen even by the victim herself. These phrases at the beginning of the post are classic examples of manipulation and emotional violence. The most dangerous thing in such situations is that such an attitude is presented under the sauce of “care.” “Don’t wear such dresses, other men are looking at you “Don’t communicate with Tanya, I don’t like her.” And in the end, without fail: “I’m saying this because I want the best for you and I care about you.” In fact, this is not caring, but a blatant destruction of the boundaries of one partner by another. Submission and devaluation of desires, social circle, interests. These are relationship red flags that you should pay attention to. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and trust. We don’t create a family in infancy, so that one partner decides for the other what dress to wear today and with whom to play in the sandbox. It is very sad to see when a girl goes along with these manipulations and sincerely believes that if she wears long skirts, then they will love her more for it. Often the aggressor does not stop at such “innocent” remarks, but moves on. Gradually moving on to control all areas of the victim’s life, and sometimes to the physical use of force. Two adults create a relationship in order to be happy in it. And nothing else. If in a relationship you constantly feel control, humiliation, prohibitions, this is not love and care. This is different. What to do first if there is a lot of control from your partner in your relationship: Assess your level of security Can you talk without fear in your relationship? How much control is there? Were there any threats? Were there restrictions on freedom of movement? Is there a risk that the partner may use physical force? Reach out to loved ones for support If you are in a controlling relationship, you may be isolated from friends and family. Talk to them, tell them about your feelings, ask for help if necessary Create your coping strategy Do you see opportunities to discuss control issues with your partner? Can you do this yourself or maybe you need the help of specialists? What can you do to change the situation? Appreciate and love yourself And no, “no one will love you the way I do” from the lips of an aggressor - this is not true They will if you love yourself If you want to understand your relationships and change them, I am glad to invite you to my online therapeutic group “I Want Change”"