From the author: Most of us have some things, topics of conversation, people or entire areas of life that we avoid. This article discusses why this happens and whether it is possible to turn a blind eye to it. History has been determined not so much by aggressive instincts as by an attempt to suppress the instinct of flight in a person. It is this goal that most social institutions and the entire ideological arsenal serve. Erich Fromm Almost each of us has something that we intentionally or unconsciously strive to avoid. We are not talking about something that poses a threat or danger, but about completely ordinary and harmless, at first glance, things. This could be a topic for conversation, a certain place or a certain person. Sometimes it is an entire area of ​​life that for some reason we neglect to pay attention to, for example, intimate relationships or the topic of money. The reason why this happens is quite simple. We avoid what makes us uncomfortable. Sometimes one failure is enough to put a “label of discomfort” on, for example, the area of ​​relationship building. In the future, we will avoid this issue so as not to get into an unpleasant situation again. From the point of view of the unconscious, we act reasonably and practically. Indeed, why do something again where you can fail? It’s easier to put a prohibitory sign on this section of the road and forget about it. The problem is solved. But more often than not, the “point” that has been set does not turn out to be such at all. Sooner or later, life again offers us the same “lesson” that we did not complete last time. Repeated avoidance can again push the problem back for some time. But we are still left with a feeling of incompleteness or dissatisfaction. The latter can arise when an avoided aspect of life is valuable to us. If it is unimportant, then there will be no problems, because in this case the loss is small, and we simply stop noticing something unimportant. If an ignored area of ​​​​life or some issue is important to us, we get a situation from the category “and I want, and pricks." It is difficult to turn a blind eye to something that cannot leave us indifferent. A certain part of us turns out to be driven far into the depths of ourselves. The hidden need continues to live its own life, periodically sending us signals. Often we continue to ignore them. This is quite understandable, because we are accustomed to closing our eyes and ears to this call and moving away from uncomfortable sensations, trying to quickly drown them out in some familiar way. In fact, of course, we want to cope with such discomfort, but, on the other hand, we We want everything to resolve itself. This is the most important and dangerous trap. A living, important and valuable part of us turned out to be rejected, cut off from our reality. It’s as if we imprisoned her in a cage, from where she is trying to break free. Do we often feel how certain things suddenly begin to greatly outrage or irritate us? It is very likely that in such a strange way that same rejected part sitting in the cage speaks to us. For example, someone seems to us arrogant and unprincipled, allowing themselves too much. Of course, this irritates us. However, if we look at the situation from the point of view of what we have “in the cage”, we can often find that our confidence and assertiveness sits there, which we were not able to properly develop in ourselves. As compensation, we begin to appear like this, what we want to be deep down in our souls. Jung calls this the Persona - an archetype containing a set of social masks that we put on to show ourselves to others in a favorable light. The rejected part represents the archetype of the Shadow, that is, all our hidden desires, needs and even advantages that we for some reason decided to hide. The level of discomfort associated with the rejected shadow part can be very different. We may even forget that we have rejected something in ourselves, being distracted by everyday worries and problems. But having coped withdifficulties, we again return to the previously unfulfilled lesson. What happens if we continue to ignore signals from the shadow part? It may seem that the expelled part is “evil”. The very concept of “shadow” is associated with something dark and bad. There is everything that we have abandoned and rejected in ourselves. The longer we live with this, the more difficult it is to see something positive in our own Shadow. However, it contains enormous potential. By refusing this part, we close access to our growth and development. On the one hand, this is understandable, because we want to stay in our own comfort zone. By continuing to ignore signals from the shadow part, we are actually moving away from ourselves. As mentioned above, our values ​​are associated with the rejected part. We move away from them and are faced with a feeling of loss and dissatisfaction in life. How to take advantage of the resources hidden in the shadow part? To master the resources and potential of the Shadow, you must first look at its face and get to know it better. To do this, you need, at a minimum, to stop avoiding it and ignoring it as something forbidden, harmful or destructive. It is a part of us that has every right to exist. Moreover, the Shadow is the door to a treasury of hidden internal resources. There is a fairly simple method of how to discover these resources. First you need to see your shadow part in the literal sense of the word, that is, find how it appears to us, in the form of what image. The very feeling of irritation or indignation that suddenly appears in us will help us with this. If we remember that situation, where did this indignation arise within us? In the chest, head, stomach, shoulders, legs? Is it warm or cold? What happens if you try it by touch? Any emotion is movement. How does the movement of irritation energy feel in the body? Bottom-up or bottom-up? Or perhaps it feels like a divergence in all directions from some center. Does this feeling have a size or a shape? Does it occupy the entire body or just part of it? Is it round, oval, rectangular, or does it resemble some kind of object? What colors predominate there? Having described your sensations in as much detail as possible, you can ask your unconscious to generalize them, showing a single image. It will soon appear on the internal screen. This is the display of our shadow part. Now we need to move the seen image of the Shadow to the side and carefully examine what is behind it. These are the resources that were hidden. The result is usually unexpected. The images and symbols we saw represent the embodiment of what we have hidden from ourselves. To summarize, I would like to add that avoiding something is very often associated with a refusal to overcome difficulties, an unwillingness to grow and develop. It is no coincidence that once we fail to learn some life lesson, we subsequently learn it again and again. And our shadow part once again reminds us of this. By avoiding difficulties, we run away from life. In conclusion, a parable about overcoming difficulties. Master, a student once asked, why are there difficulties that prevent us from achieving our goals, deviate us from the chosen path, and try to force us to admit our weakness? “what you call difficulties,” answered the Teacher, “is actually part of your goal.” Stop fighting it. Just think about it and take it into account when choosing a path. Imagine that you are shooting with a bow. The target is far away, and you cannot see it, because a thick morning fog has descended on the ground. Are you fighting the fog? No, you wait for the wind to blow and the fog to clear. Now the target is visible, but the wind deflects the flight of your arrow. Are you fighting the wind? No, you just determine its direction and make corrections by shooting from a slightly different angle. Your bow is heavy and stiff, you don’t have enough strength to pull the string. Are you fighting with a bow? No, you train your muscles, each time tightening the bowstring more and more. - But there are people who shoot from a light and flexible bow into a clear, windless