When talking a lot about peace and relaxation, it is necessary to touch upon polar states such as anxiety, fear, tension, control. Unfortunately, these states are almost the main companions in the lives of modern people. We can act based on two poles: a state of love (peace) or a state of anxiety (fear). Anxiety, as the initial basis, entails constant mental tension. We try to cling to what is external, to catch up with what is external, we try to build external supports into a cult. And, at the same time, we do not understand the main idea: everything that is external is finite. In this world, nothing belongs to us except ourselves, our states, thoughts, emotions. The paradox is that our psyche knows this law. And all our attempts to hold on to the external are perceived by the psyche as an attack on our own state of balance and equilibrium. We are starting to slip into control. How else? Controlling what we don’t need is also one of the main and favorite human entertainments. And our deep inner fear can prove very well the need for this control. True, it is not clear what and who we feel this fear of... Mainly, of our illusions... We rationalize, explain, engage in mental masturbation, instead of just starting to feel and go into honesty with ourselves. And it’s very scary to go into honesty: after all, there I am, with all my imperfections, with all my misery, which needs to be accepted and worked through... Therefore, we fall into control and “everything should be my way”... Only this control has a very high price - incredibly strong tension. And all our rationalization, logic, arguments in attempts to justify our fear are only an illusion of this control “in my opinion”, behind which lies a complete distrust of ourselves, others and the world. Control gives us the strongest illusion of security. Only this is just an illusion, and it collapses under the weight of the deep truth of the psyche. The maximum that we can control is our thoughts, actions, behavior, emotions... And even then not always. Everything else - no! The entire outside world (and especially other people) is not subject to your control. So why do we cling so desperately to control? It’s very simple - it’s a defense mechanism that allows us to preserve our self-image and familiar picture of the world. And here again we are faced with traps: while we control and are afraid of losing the existing order of things, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to enjoy life... To enjoy all its diversity along with relaxation, creative flow, pleasure. We even try to control sex, instead of following the feelings, the sensations, letting go of our heads and thoughts, trusting our partner. Control and fear exhaust our nervous system day after day. We try to control even more, but as a result we only get powerful tension and “life in the head” and not in the body. We don't trust our body, our responses, our desires. Because of control, we don’t even hear them and don’t understand what is mine and what is someone else’s. It is very difficult to give up control and consciously go into vulnerability and trust on the path to true pleasure. But what we get along the way is worth it. American writer Ralph Ellison once said: “Life should be lived, not controlled.” So let's give ourselves permission to live and enjoy life…