Resistance to other people's opinions about yourself is in any case based on someone else's idea of ​​you, in particular, a close, important and necessary person. Initially, the child’s self-esteem is based on the ego of the parents (mom and dad). Relatively speaking, if the mother feels like a star (walks down the street, shoulders squared, head raised proudly, confidently), then the daughter will feel the same, reading similar behavior. Accordingly, at first we all rely on the opinions of other people about ourselves, and this position, with a strong reliance on parental opinion, persists on average until the age of 17. Often, with the onset of puberty (for example, from the age of 15, but this age is individual), children begin to contradict their parents’ views, trying to develop some kind of their own opinion, but up to the age of 20, parental attitudes continue to play a huge role in their lives. The next stage is feedback from peers and teachers, first at school, then at college. “Pyaterochka” in the diary is also feedback, which means “I’m great! I am clever!". So, over a period of time we collect feedback about ourselves, which in the future we should review and rethink. Why do people come to therapy, as a rule, at the age of 20+ (often at 22 years old, then around 30 or 30 + and then to 40)? This is exactly the period when you want to rethink your opinion about yourself and receive different feedback, which is what therapy provides. Self-esteem has a lot to do with what other people think of you. You gather all the information and then form your belief—what kind of person you think you are. For example, your mother told you 300 times that you are an egoist, and it will be quite difficult for you to resist this word, as if it was ingrained into your consciousness so much that it became a part of it, you agreed with this opinion and will not argue with it. If something rises from the depths of consciousness, it means that there is still an opportunity to challenge the existing opinion, and then you put your opinion in opposition to it. I’ll give you a personal example: often in the comments on a YouTube channel, “well-meaning” subscribers write that I’m fat, a loser, etc., and such comments from complete strangers sometimes stick. Why do they do this? The simple answer is that people are essentially telling their story to try to make themselves feel better. Remember, no one notices anything about you that they don't have in themselves. In 90% of cases these are stories about yourself. If we are talking about a close friend who knows you well and understands the deep parts of your soul, then it is likely that this is his feedback, quite honest and truthful. Then you should courageously look at these comments, trying to perceive them not as painful criticism, but from the point of view of the fact that a person wants to help, because it is criticism, taken correctly, that opens up enormous opportunities for growth! You can watch my videos on the topic of psychology and psychotherapy herehttps://www.youtube.com/user/larisaBanduraSubscribe to stay updated on my new articles