We begin to think about the rules only when something causes discomfort and we don’t like it. When we can’t agree on something with our spouse. Or it seems to us that he/she persistently does something not the way we want. Also, for example, the spine begins to interest us only when it hurts. If everything is normal, we flow along with life, obeying the routine which developed in the family. It is not necessary to be aware of any agreements and restrictions. They are convenient and serve for our comfort. Children also absorb the way of life and rules that develop in the family. They adapt to them so much that even when they grow up, they often think that these were the most correct and best rules (some think that they are the only possible ones). And this is until we meet our partner. Who comes with exactly the same beautiful way of life and truths that he has absorbed. And here the most interesting thing begins: I, as a woman, believe that men should be the breadwinners of the family and the most reliable support, and my partner believes that it is necessary to act only on equal terms. And also, for a woman to take over the entire household... He thinks so not because he is selfish, but because for many years he has seen the example of his parents, who have lived together for more than 30 years. We may even understand everything, but still, who in the family lived more correctly? What areas do the rules apply to: any. How to run a household, raise children, behave in quarrels, is it possible to show irritation, is it possible to say directly what you don’t like, is it possible to wear old pajamas at home or should you always look neat, how to build relationships with the world and other people... How The rules are changingSlowly, carefully. It is better not to organize revolutions, but to model an evolutionary, gradual process. Then the chances that the rule will be accepted and learned by everyone are much greater. In order to change something, you need to understand what to change in general. This should be indicated and equally understood by all family members. At a family consultation, sometimes the family is given the following task: set aside time, get everyone together and discuss the rules. At the beginning, just make it clear who understands the rules. For a family, such a discussion always becomes a discovery. Parents understand the rules in one way, children may not even realize that there is such a rule... Or understand the rule in a different way... In order to talk about this there must be a suitable time and place. We don’t shout after a running child: and since yesterday we have a rule to clean the room... It’s better to organize a family council. It can be a nice event with sandwiches and nice tea where everyone has a chance to talk. Even if there are no children yet (no big deal), delicious tea can still be made. Once we have clarified the rules and who understands them, we can choose what we want to add or improve. Let it be something not very difficult at the beginning... After all, in the first stages it is so important that everyone feels success from the new behavior. The child begins to tidy up the room and after tidying up we find dust and toys forgotten in the corners... He’s still doing great. He started doing this. And it’s important for him to know about it. It is important to understand that it is going in the right direction. You should not immediately choose several new rules. Focus on one new rule for at least a week. And in order not to forget or get lost, you can write it down. So, the basic principles of establishing rules in the family: → We do it together → At the beginning, we clarify how other family members see the situation and understand the rule → No revolutions. Only gradually→ We support loved ones when they learn new behavior.→ There shouldn’t be many rules