Cult of relationships. Nowadays, it has become a trend to look for a PARTNER (said with all seriousness) and create RELATIONSHIPS (said with aspiration and reverence), which is why so many trainers, books, and seminars dedicated to this have appeared. Cash issue. Even SMS people are taught to write to each other in a way that makes it interesting. Many have already been taught how to dress, put on makeup, act nice, wear lace, not bother with conversations if he is tired, etc., etc. But still, RELATIONSHIPS don’t work out (with aspiration, don’t forget), and it won’t work out, no matter how hard you try. First, decide for yourself what a relationship is? So you want to build them. High goal. What does it mean? Why do you need them? For what? What do you personally need from this very relationship? And what are you ready to invest in them? Are you able to build at least some kind of relationship with yourself? Hear yourself, respect your needs, feelings, opinions, hobbies, understand, care, love, support, accept in any mood, state and form? Or is this someone else’s work? Do you know how to be alone with yourself so that this loneliness does not corrode, but fills and kept you warm? But if you are afraid of loneliness, you automatically escape from it at the expense of your partner, and all attempts to close your own holes with another person are doomed. The focus of attention is shifted outward. There will be a relationship - there will be happiness. A man will come, and I will become so magical and happy! Or “there would be someone to change for.” Or, that means, I’ll put on all my best at once, leave him alone for a day, and then he’ll give me love and care in gratitude. And they wait. They hope and believe. Alas. First, focus on yourself. We translate - we translate. Who are you? What do you want? What do you live for? Oops. The field is unplowed. The jungle is impenetrable. “I don’t know...” As long as you experience fear, shame, stiffness, discomfort without a relationship, you are in a child’s vulnerable position. A child lost in a hypermarket. You need to find your parent and take him by the hand and never, ever let go again. The child cannot, does not want and should not make decisions, take responsibility for his life, and cannot experience separations. Because the partner is the “parent”, and how could he leave me and find himself a new child? That doesn't happen either. He must take care of me, love me. I have to. And then oh how it hurts. When an adult breaks up, it hurts a little differently. But it’s simpler. It’s easier to waste decades walking in circles. By rake. According to trainings. And the result is always the same: pain or fear. Pain of separation or fear of separation. Because the child, of course, knows that now the world is not reliable and people are breaking up. But he can't do anything about it. I want a relationship, but I'm afraid of a relationship. I got myself a man and ran to advanced training courses. There they taught me how to write beautiful SMS messages, but they didn’t teach me not to be afraid. And this “child” sits at work all day, racking his brain on how to keep his partner, how to be interesting to him, how else to give him sex in a way that is absolutely certain. Such eternal work to serve one’s own horror of rejection. The horror of loneliness. And most importantly, if the partner leaves, then the “child” will think in complete despair that he did not give enough, did not love him, that he was not a qualified enough partner. Well, they taught! Maybe I wrote the wrong SMS? Well, go and re-read everything and look for the mistake. Your own maturation is the basis for a satisfying relationship. An adult does not need to be offended and manipulate; there is no need to grab onto a partner as a lifeline. There is no need to lie and pretend. An adult is not afraid of loneliness; he can provide himself with everything he needs. And an adult wants to love. Love and give. Calm, open, joyful. Giving love to your partner, knowing that everything can end. That people don't have each other forever. And that choosing each other every day, experiencing joy and sharedness nearby, it is important to be grateful for today. In which you were in a relationship. When they prepared breakfast, made coffee, smiled at him in the morning, and received a response, gratitude and participation. Helping each other.